A kid comes across an injured duck near a lake. Nevermind he doesn't see it he's really high.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

How many dead guys does it take to build a shed? None. The contractor did it for 40 dollars an hour using maple wood.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Every 5 seconds a child dies in Somalia. Good news is there are 4 second intervals when a child isn't dying in Somalia. I say kill them all

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Your legs are more open than my back door! Which is closed.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What did the french toast say to the french fry? I don't know, I don't speak french.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What did the surgeon say to the patient? Nothing. The patient died on the table.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

This night was a particularly stormy one, many a crop destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could emotionally blind those who may experience it's full potential. Jonny lived in Ristoville, a secluded village atop a hill. Citizens of Ristoville were frightened for there lives, all but Jonny, that is. Jonny was bullied from a young age, approximately 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest, full-time. Fear shined in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He pondered this, and ultimately came to the conclusion that there will be nothing worse out there than Uncle Clive's "Magical Basement of Happiness". Jonny sat his mother down, looked her in the eye and whispered farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible. Finally, Rosie Harrison, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Crystal Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless failed suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonathon's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her fragile little ears as Jonny walked away. He took with him a couple cartons of Apple and Blackcurrant Ribena and his Grandfather's lucky medallion and took his first step outside. He whipped out a carton of Ribena, strongly crumpled up the carton, slightly spraying pure fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the drooping wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and with a cry so intense, shouted, "Nothing will stop me!!". Jonny died shortly after of HIV induced AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 3 to 5 years, depending on behavior, in a high security prison for child molestation, frequent and consistant child abuse and paedophillia and smuggling Crystal Meth. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

http://www.google.com/imgres?q=harry+styles+funny&hl=en&safe=active&biw=1024&bih=398&gbv=2&tbm=isch&tbnid=lc8_fNCatYHOqM:&imgrefurl=http://www.vervegirl.com/harry-being-typical-harry/&docid=86Gw8eNJ73tOYM&imgurl=http://www.vervegirl.com/cms/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/harry-styles-300.jpg&w=300&h=400&ei=q4vHT9XwHYL48gSJoJzJDw&zoom=1

thumb_up thumb_down -10

My closet is like the wardrobe to Narnia, accept my closet isnt a portal into a magical world.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did the slut suck a dick? Because she's a slut.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What color is Michael Jackson? Pale because he's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Q: What cant you give a black guy? A: Black eye, lips, and a jon

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Dear Six, Please stop spreading rumors about me and nine. I hear you two also do some pretty nasty things. Love, Seven.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Hey guess what? What? You're a Tree.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

How many TV shows are there? A lot.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

why is kool-aid so sweet? Because it contains sugar

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Did you hear about the dyslexic insomniac that stayed awake all night wondering if there really is a dog?

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? I've lost my tractor!

thumb_up thumb_down -10

I just wrote three jokes on antijoke.com ... nope, make that four.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

YOU WONT GIVE THIS A THUMBS UP!!!! YOU WONT DO ITTTT

thumb_up thumb_down -10

what did hellen keller name her dog? answer: unnumnumnum

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did the car go down the road? Someone was driving it. Why did the car stop? Because he suddenly fell and had a stroke.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why is Skrillex bad at fishing? Because he always increases the treble input in his songs, and he doesnt have a rod.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Q: What did the Jew get for Christmas? A: Nothing you dumbass, Jews don't celebrate Christmas.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops