There is two guys named tard and retard on a boat in shallow water. they both fall off. Who gets back up onto the boat? - Obviously Tard because ur dealing with a retard here.

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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What's more funny than 10 dead babies in the bottom of a trash can? 1 dead baby in the bottom of 10 trash cans...

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Q. What do you call a bashed black man laying on pavement? A. Neapolitan

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What did the virulent Homophobe do during the PRIDE national day of silence? He talked

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An elephant walked into a pub and ordered a strong Vodka and Coke. "Long day?" asked the barman. "Yeah. Very. So many people stroking my trunk in my apartment - It's meant to be a private place. I'm scared to go back there. One child said they were going to rape me."

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Shelly tells Rob to go home... Thats what she said

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a blonde takes 1 hour to swim 100m of breaststroke.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Ryan. Ryan who? Ryan Seacrest.

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what did the little girl with no legs and no arms get for christmas? Cancer

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Why did the girl fall off the swings? -because she had no arms

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How does a penguin make pancakes out of skis? Purple because it's the best.

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give me a gun or i will shoot you i dont know what with but i will kill you so run run or i will come and get you

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how many blondies were at the mall? none they were too busy trying to find the sun.

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Why did the babysitter only get paid 50 cents for a whole day. Because he was a 6 foot mexican.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To warn people on the other side that the sky was falling Why did the cow cross the road? Cause he had madcow disease Why did Chuck Norris cross the road? Cause he's Chuck Norris Why did the Mexican cross the road? He was on his way to America Why did the black man cross the road? He was just running to his car you racist.....after he had robbed the bank Why did the horse go to the other side of the field? He liked green grass

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Q: What do you call a room full of black people? A: A Social Gathering.

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What do you call it when a multiple personality disorder person masturbates? Rape.

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Teacher: What is 1+1? Student: 2 Teacher: Next time raise your hand before answering a question.

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What is the difference between a boyscout and a Jew? Boys outs come home from camp.

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so today i took a poop. hehe

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roses are red violets are blue i have 5 fingers the middle ones for you.

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You know what they say about guys with big feet. They have big feet.

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Why did the Mexican jump of the roof? Because he had a serious meth addiction that was destroying his family and he could not live with the awful things he did to get his fix.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops