Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead

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Variants: :) I will always assist you in whatever you want. :( I want to kill you all by myself! Sense? Non? Fuck? Mind? Fission Mailed? Impossible Mission.

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Why did the old man lose his cane? He didnt. He had alzheimers

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some dude: weed is bad Other dude: then why do they prescribe it to people are you dumb or are you stupid

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Q: What did the Jewish man say to the Muslim man? A: Hello, how are you today? Nice weather we're having, isn't it?

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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A woman walks out of the kitchen.

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? I shot him in the face.

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what happened to the kid who opened the goldfish? he got eaten by a cixelsyd dinosaur

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs? Unfortunate

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead.

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What did Larry do when little Billys baseball crashed through his window? He raped and murdered little Billy for Larry has raped and murdered many children.

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Why did the man apologize to the other man, after he had hit him with an axe? He didn't. The man was dead.

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What did one pig say to the other pig while sitting in the bathtub? No thanks I already have a typewriter.

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Did you know there was a black man in my family tree? He married my aunt.

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What's so similar about a zombie and a black man? They are both almost human.

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I would tell you a joke about a blunt pencil but it's pointless

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a woman walks into a bar, she was quickly kicked out and escorted back to the kitchen

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Your mommas so stupid she decided to go to night school to better her self. She got a degree in business and finance and is now a manager for HSBC

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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Why did the man fall off his bike? Because he wasn't on a bike.

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Roses are red,violets are blue, i love the colour red and green but its a pitty because im not so keen.

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q: what do you call it when Justin Bieber has sex? a: sex, just like everyome else calls it

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Roses are grey Violets are grey I am a dog.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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