Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds and it better be there!!" The next morning he got up early and told his wife to come to the driveway. He quickly pulled out a .44 Magnum and murdered her violently. The marriage had been a nightmare ever since they lost their unborn child, and the situation pushed Bob to a place, where he could no longer look at his wife.

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There were two blondes going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer. A half hour later he gets on the intercom again and says we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though. One of the blondes says "If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day"

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*Science Teacher goes into his class* Teacher:MR MCAAAAAAAN! What's the answer?! MrMccann: I dunno sir. Teacher: WHAT DO YA MEAN YA DUNNO?! HAVE I EVER ASKED YOU A QUESTION YOU DON'T KNOW THE ANSWER TO?! MrMcann: No Teacher:Then answer this. JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN DO YOU KNOW THE ANSWER?!

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What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot.

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Q. Why did the lady scream when she saw her husband? A. Because he was dead.

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Why are women such horrible drivers? Their hair gets in the way.

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* Why is this dog barking? * Because he's a dog, if he were a cat it would meow.

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Weegee weegee weegee weegee weegee weegee weegee weegee weegee weegee weegee

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Your mother is so fat that she will likely eventually develop diabetes.

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Whats the difference between a black man and a paraplegic? A paraplegic doesn't walk out on his family

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Two antennas falls in love. They get married. The wedding was horrible, but the reception was great.

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Stephen Hawkings walks into a bar. An impossible thing because he can't walk.

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Why do cow say moo? Because you touch yourself at night

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Q: whats red, spins, and screams? A: a baby in a blender

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How many dead babies can you fit in a bathtub? On average 2,950, however, this has not been properly tested due to obvious reasons.

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How did Helen Keller burn the side of her face? She didn't use enough sunscreen.

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How do you kill batman? you stab him through the heart

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What did the Spanish immigrant say? Olah.

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ASUS Live Update has stopped working.

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Why was the tree sad? Because a bird shat on it.

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How many blond girls does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1, it is a faily simple task

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was a socially responsible chicken and his family was on the other side and every day walks his ass across the street to go to work to provide for his family, unlike your dead-beat ass.

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So a Mexican a Jew and a Philippino walk across the street What Happened? the border patrol shot them

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Who the hell is Femi Otedola?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops