I love you more than other things that are significantly less important to me than you are

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I read a haiku. It was honestly quite good. That's basically it.

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Katy perry isn't on clould nine because it's physicaly impossible to stand on water persipitation.

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Where do you find a ocean with no water. on a map. thumbs up for great jokes. please

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Your mom is so environmentally conscious, she recycles a great deal.

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What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Being the worm.

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Why did the girl call suicide hotline? Cuz he wanted to kill herself.

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What did the home-less man eat for dinner last night? Nothing.

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Did you hear about the monkey in the tree? Oh no wait. It was a lizard.

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A man is at the doctor's office and the doctor says to the man: "I'm sorry sir, you have AIDS and Alzheimer's disease." The man says: "Well, at least I don't have AIDS!"

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NO! I'm putting it in my front room, you sick bastard!

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What happens when a monkey eats banana. It throws them up and gets some blueberry pie.

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My Japanese girlfriend dumped me today...Oh well, theres plenty more in the sea

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Two muffins are in the oven. They don't say anything because muffins can't talk. The end.

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How do you make a nerd cry? Give him a 99% on a test.

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How did Richard the lion heart get his name? From his parents.

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The funniest thing happened in my dream last night, i dreamed that banks would stop ripping people off and start treating people like humans. How wierd is that :D

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Someone: I like my coffee like I like my men Someone else: Black? Someone: No, tied up, shoved in a burlap sack, and dragged through the mountains.

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A ginger, a brunette and a blonde all go to the store. They are checking out and the ginger says to the blonde, "Why did you get that cereal instead of the one on sale?" And the blonde says "Because I have a membership card that gave me a discount on this cereal." The ginger gets out of line to return her cereal because she remembers she too has a membership card. And then the brunette pulls out a gun and shoots them all because she has depression and needs psychiatric help.

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Whats something really annoying? A guy who presses enter too much. hehe

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What happened to the girl who got an abortion? She got an infection.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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NEVER

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Why did Sally drop her ice cream? She got hit by a truck. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally. Why did Sally fall of the swings? She had no arms. Why didn't Jimmy help her up? Jimmy is a fish. There's a guy with no arms and no legs who loves to swim. What's his name? Bob. Ya know Bob's twin brother is in the same condition. He loves to play in the leaves. And what's his name? Russell. Why couldn't Sally swing on the swing? She had no arms. What did the girls mom tell her to do before she went to bed? Go to bed. How do you wake up Will Ferrell? You set his alarm clock to a reasonable hour. What did the fat man who had his car stolen tell the police? Someone stole my car.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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