Yo mama so fat that you should maintain strong eye contact with her and not look at her body.

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What's worse than the holicost? The ninja turtles

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the ocean? Bob

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Did you hear the one about the koala bear that fell out of the tree? Yeah it died.

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Knock Knock Who's There? Poop. Poop who? HAHAHAHAHAHA you said poopoo

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Knock knock Who's there Why? Why who? Why so serious?

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What's the difference between a pelican? 28, because elephants have 4 legs.

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What did the dinosaur say to the caveman? Nothing. Dinosaurs were wiped off the earth due to a tragic, world wide extinction about 65 million years ago while small mammals which would eventually evolve into humans survived.

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Little Johnny walked into class one day. The teacher announced their would be a pop-quiz on the declaration of independence. Johnny passed. (ic3)

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A plane crashes in a polish cemetery the authorities have found 2000 bodies

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What does Chuck Norris order at McDonalds? A Big Mac with a large fry and drink.

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*puts thumbs up on own anti-joke. Nobody needs to know....

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If Tigger was a black panther Christopher Robin would have named him Nigger.

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What did the blonde do when she reached the traffic lights? She stopped, as the lights were red.

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Wayne Rooney's face and intelligence.

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Why did Hellen Keller drive off of the cliff? Because she is a woman.

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Help i have fallen and i cannont get up Life alert life alert To bad just sit there we dont care

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer

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Did you hear about the kidnapping in Milwaukee? They woke him up.

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The Americans have just spent millions of dollars working on a pen that works in space. I would of just used a pencil.

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What did the horse say to the other horse? neh

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A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?” The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.” The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.” The man says, “All right, all right. I’m *dying* to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?” The monks reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.” The man sets about his task. Forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, “I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.” The monks reply, “Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.” The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, “The sound is right behind that door.” The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, “Real funny. May I have the key?” The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst. Finally, the monks say, “This is the last key to the last door.” The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound. But I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk...

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How do you stop a rhino from charging? An ak-47

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What's the difference between a Jew and a bar of soap? You don't rub your balls with a Jew.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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