A pirate walks in to a bar. The bartender notices he has a steering wheel in the front of his pants, so he says to the pirate, "you know you've got a steering wheel in your pants, huh?" The pirate responds, "Arrrrrrrrr, it's for me carrrrr."

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Why did Shrek eat the onions? Anyone who has seen the Shrek films would know that Shrek never mentions anything about eating onions. In the first movie, Shrek and donkey have a conversation in which he compares himself to an onion, but the scene lasts maybe a minute and never again does Shrek mention onions in any way, shape, or form. For whatever reason, this one scene has turned onions into the strongest signature icon associated with Shrek.

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If a tree falls on a deaf person, does anyone care?

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What did the mother say to her son when she saw his report card? I don't know. I wasn't there.

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Who won the race between the turtle and the hare? Well, odds are the two creatures wouldn't race given that animals do not speak. However, if they were, the hare would most likely win a land race because of its powerful legs and agility. However, if the turtle happened to be a seaturtle and the race took place underwater, our dear little beloved turtle would win, having the advantage over the rabbit.

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What separates man from animal? Divorce.

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Chuck Norris never shows emotion!!!... because he is a pragmatic person and thinks in a more logical manner.

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What did the lawyer say to the doctor? - I am a lawyer and you're a doctor.

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An Irishman walks into a club. "Ow, that was almost as painful as that time I walked into a bar."

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whats floppy and smells like trout? trout.

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Wat did the man say to the other man when they were alone. We dont know. They were alone.

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Your momma is so ugly that when she stepped on the mirror, it broke.

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Whats faster than a black guy with a tv? His brother who is a dentist and drives a fast sports car.

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roses are red, violets are blue. sunflowers are yellow, i bet you were expecting something romantic but no this is just gardening facts.

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock Who is there? Not Suzie

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Why did george washington not make it to the prom? because george washington is dead

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How many black people does it take to for there to be a murder? None. A murder is a group of crows,not black people.

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Did you know Helen Keller had a doll house in her back yard? -No Neither did she

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What is small, red, and can't fit through a doorway? A baby with a spear through its head. Posted By: Lram

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead! Why did the bird fall out of the tree? It was attatched to the monkey! Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? .....................peer pressure

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A woman asked me today if I'd ever tried crazy golf. I hadn't actually ever tried it.... So I replied "no".

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-Is your refrigerator running? -Yes. -Just wondering.

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"Torture the orphans as much as you want. Who they gonna tell? Their parents?"

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Why did the cow fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second cow fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first cow.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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