Are you kidding? If you can slow down time when stressed, then that means that your perception of time is, well... Oh relative, but still wow! What about now though? Can you do it? And for curiosity`s sake, what if you jumped off a roof? Would the stress make it all really slow?

Is your refrigerator running? Yes. Ok good, just checking. It would be a shame for your perishable foodstuffs to go bad.

Guy walks into a bar. He orders a drink called "Vampire poison". The bartender gives him the drink. The man drinks it and dies. No he was not a vampire, he was just a man with a history of heart failures.

What has straight black lines and is square? A refferee.

Why did the little boy cross the road? He didnt, he got hit by a car and died

Three Blondes were walking when they come upon some tracks. The first blonde says they're deer tracks. The second blonde says they're elk tracks. The last blonde says they're moose tracks. While they are all arguing about what type of tracks they are, they get hit by a train.

Q: Why was the boy sad? A: An Elephant was sitting on his face

How many mathematicians does it take to count?

Why did the man go to McDonalds? Because he was a pedophile.

When I see the Viagra commercial telling you about all the side effects and they say "if you have an erection lasting for more than 4 hours, call a doctor." If I have an erection that lasts that long, I'm not calling a doctor. I'm calling my mom; who I always call when I'm sick.

Jon waits in his driveway for a bit then rides off to a lemonade stand but doesn't stop because the stand is surrounded by police who have arrested the kids at the stand for selling spiked lemonade. He continues past the stand and goes somewhere else (probably Subway).

Do you know what my Granddad said to me before he kicked the bucket? He said; how far do you think I could kick this bucket? Then he died.

I am green. You are blue. Jokes are infinite. This is too.

How does a black guy in debt make money fast at the bank? He applies for a loan and conscientiously works hard to pay off the loan in turn, which he was lucky enough to get at a low interest rate.

Why did th chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. Why did the cupboard cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

Your mamma so fat she bungie jumped straight to hell

Nock Nock Whose there? Your mom. Stop locking your door.

Why is 6 afraid of 7? 7 is a terrorist.

What can hurt you if you pee on it? A rabid grizzly bear

How do I become successful like you dad? Just do good.

There are two cowboys in the kitchen. One says to the other, "I feel at 'home on the range.'" To which the other replies, "Is that because of your extensive culinary background?" The first cowboy breaks down in tears because he realizes he's not pursuing what he truly loves.

Q: What did the black kid get for Chirstmas? A: Your bike

eyebrows up means ur flirting this isnt a joke dont laugh

Knock Knock Whos there? Knock knock? Whos there? Knock knock. WHOS IS THERE?!?!? Knock Knock is, my name is Knock Knock.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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