What's eighteen inches long, stiff, and makes women scream at night? A twelve inch long penis that is erect, thus adding approximately one half of its flaccid size, and involved in the act of fornication with the female partner of the man whose penis I am describing. (Of course, it is ignorant and juvenile to assume that the man in question is heterosexual. He may be a homosexual, which is perfectly acceptable in these liberal times we live in, or he may in fact be single and not inclined towards a sexual preference of any kind. This is understandable due to the myriad complications of long-term relationships, a result of the infinite differences between the masculine and feminine psyches.)

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God made Coke God made Pepsi God made me, Oh so sexy

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? I shot him in the face.

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There were two penguin's sitting in a bathtub. The first penguin says to the second penguin, "Hey, pass the soap." And the second penguin says, "What do i look like, an alarm clock?"

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Q: What's red and bad for your teeth A: A brick

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Don't make jokes about the Holocaust. My grandfather died in the Holocaust. He fell off a watchtower.

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what smells like red paint, looks like red paint and is called red paint? A pear, i lied about everything i just said

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Q: Whats white and fluffy? A: White fluff

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What's wore then finding a worm in your apple? Being the only person to survive a plane crash over Alaska, then having to eat your family in order to stay alive waiting for help to come.

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Me: "If I had Alzheimers, I would break down into tears." Friend: "Why, you would forget why you were crying..." Me: "Who are you again?"

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Why did the man walk into the bar Because he was an acoholic

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How is a monkey like a bicycle? They can both climb trees. Except for the bicycle.

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A baby seal walks into a club. It is eventually beaten to death and eaten.

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What do you call a Mexican flying a plane? A pilot

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Why did the woman go in a elevator with Ray Rice? Because they were both going to the 25th floor and stairs would take too long.

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Yo momma is so fat that....actually she's quite fit and i'd love to take her out on a date.

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I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

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What happens when an alien goes out in the rain It gets wet

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A boy walks up to a girl he finds attractive and says "You're body's kick'in! ... i mean...hey, do you know karate?"

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Why was little Timmy mauled by a bear? He poked it with a pointy stick.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Its the pizza man. Get your yellow no good keister off my property before I pump your guts full of lead. 1,2...10

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What did the black man do to the white woman? I Dont KNow ask him

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What happened to the lady living in the present, crossing a street? Let's watch her and find out.

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A duck walks up to a lemonade stand. He didn't say anything because ducks can't talk.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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