If you want to make the little things count, teach midgets maths!

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Why did the mailman die? Because everybody dies.

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how do you know when you've had too much to drink? . . . when you're dead.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 is a registered SIX offender

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Q. How do you drowned a blond A. Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of a pool

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How do you kill Justin Beiber? By stabbing him 38 times in the chest.

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Why was the boy in a wheelchair raising money to buy a basketball uniform? Because wheelchair basketball is a popular sport

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How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Sarah, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and even though she is a little sweaty At the moment, you realize what a beautiful woman she really is. You decide to ask her to marry You, and after she says yes, you two make passionate love in the front seat Of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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A bloke runs into the bank, says to the girl "Stick 'em up!" She says "Righty-o, matey" and sellotapes his bollocks to the ceiling.

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A Jew, black person, and Mexican jump out of a plane, which one falls first? Who cares they all died

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How do you know when everybody on a plane crash is dead ? When your the only one who walked out

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Q. What's cold and has no feelings? A. A pole

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WWII veteran screamed! "You damn yellow monkey" "But sir... ...my fur is brown!" Replied the monkey.

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"How high are you?" "I don't know, sir." "Well, look at the god damn altimeter."

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What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other? Whatever her name is.

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What happened to the guy who dropped his soap in the prison shower? His friend picked it up for him.

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What did God say to the man who just died? Nothing. God and Heaven something parents make up so kids will do the right thing.

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What do you do if an elephant comes through your window? Pay For a new window

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How to shrink China's population in a few minutes? Nuke them all, simple.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your house. Knock knock. Who's there? The chicken.

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whats pink and fluffy? pink fluff.

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these guys im about to shoot owen,john,henry,shawn

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What do a worm and a human have in common? They both have arms and legs apart from the worm

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There is a blonde, Santa and Jesus. Someone throws a million dollars on the ground who picks it up? Me because I shot them

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops