Why did the chicken cross the road? To buy more crystal meth to fuel his addiction while his wife and children starved in the public houses.

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A Chinese man, a Mexican man, and an American man are all on a plane in-flight when the pilot screams over the intercom, "We are two pounds over weight! The plane is going down unless you all throw off useless things that have no value in your countries!" The Chinese man throws out a pair of chopsticks and an egg roll and says, "I have too many of those in my country." The Mexican does the same with a taco and sombrero, repeating, "I have too many of those in my country." The American looks around his items pondering what things are too common in the USA. He locks his eyes on the Mexican. The other passengers are shocked as the American throws off a hamburger and a football.

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A cowboy walks in to a bar and says to the guy behind the counter "Can I have a glass of water?". The bar tender shot a gun and missed the cowboy by an inch. The cowboy said thanks. Why? Because the cowboy had the hiccups

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There once was a man from Nantucket, His dick was so long it caused tremendous physical discomfort, and it was extremely difficult for him to find pants that did not reveal his freakish abnormality, and greatly limited his levels of intimacy. After botched reduction surgery, he was left without a penis at all and, realising the horrible irony, threw himself into a raging river (experiencing no shrinkage whatsoever).

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What do you call a girl with no arms and legs? Whatever her name is.

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A blonde is locked in a super-market. She dies.

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A baby seal walks into a club. I happens to be that the club is having their bi-annual PETA meeting, and the baby seal is chosen as the organization's new mascot. After touring the nation and meeting important world leaders, the baby seal still wonders why there was a club at the North Pole.

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Why was billy sad because in the morning he witnessed his mom get stabbed in the throat repeatedly by a clown then he saw the clown in the cop car but his mask was off and it turned out to be billys dad

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's house? No. Well, neither has he

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Q: Why did the bear fall out of the tree? A: Because humans tranquilized him, brought him to an animal shelter 100 miles away from his home. Then after he got out he got hit by a car and died. PETA is watching.....always

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Q: How many Jews does it take to fix a light bulb? A: 2, one to hold the light bulb and the other to turn the ladder

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What do you call a black man that is on fire? A Man on Fire. The fact that he is black has no relevance in this situation.

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Why did a kid throw a clock out the window? Because he was adopted

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Yo momma so fat, when she steps on the scales it reads 90kg

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Q. What do you call a black pilot A. A pilot

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Why was the man afraid of the fish? He had ichthyophobia.

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Q:What's the difference ethernet a corvette and a pile of dead baby's? A:I don't have a corvette in my garage

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Q: What did one water bottle say to another water bottle? A: Nothing. Water bottles are inanimate objects and are thus unable to communicate.

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Suzie.

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What did the facial stylist charge Jack Sparrow to get his ears pierced? A buc-an-ear!

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Slowly being tortured to death.

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An old man walks across the street. Several cars start to honk in irritation, for they are in a hurry and the man is walking quite sluggishly.

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whats worse then getting a bad present on your birthday? dying.

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Okay, hundred billions, and because I am fucking hungry, we make it perpetual, now the longer you keep the feeling going, the stronger and stronger and you know, trillions, indefillions, nondecillions, hell, make up your own numbers and just consider them higher. Bet its starting to feel pretty nice huh?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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