A farmer hears a knock at the door on a rainy night. He opens the door and welcomes an attractive young man in. The farmer gets his budding teenage daughter to fetch the man a towel. He dries himself off, thanks them both, and goes to bed. He's gone before anyone else wakes up and leaves a fifty on the table.

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It works on whoever I have an emotional attachment with, for example people might be thinking you and I write in the exact same style, but I am actually copying your way of typing (spelling, word composition etc) this because we relate on a deep emotional level with people that like "get us" because they can act and behave like us. This again doubles the effect of the hypnosis, since when I get "super high on trance" and you feel that way, well, we both reach into the same wavelength, literally. Scientists and hypnotists supposedly have no idea as to why this happens, but I know, it is because our brain patterns are so similar, that even though we are at a long distance, your body believes itself to be an extension of mine and the other way around. How do I know this? Yogurt.

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Nero Octavios reporting, so far all of our sectors worldwide excluding Spain, Italy and Ground Zero are secure, Nero Augustus is severely wounded but will make it, and despite the our intel Necrissa Angelo is alive and well. We have one single worry though Nero7 the brunt force of the terror attack was large and powerful, yet resistance was incredibly light when we went for the counter-strike, too light, we might have to ready ourselves for some sort of reprisal here.

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Knock Knock? Who's there? Sanderson. Sanderson who? You're boyfriend. Let me in. No, I'm a bit busy chopping up dead bodies. Come back in a bit. Oh let me help you! I like the way the blood runs out of the fresh ones!

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Hi, my name is Mark and I have dead babies in my garage... Just kidding. My name ia not Mark.

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What did the ant do? I don't care you whore

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What did the little boy say before he succumbed to cancer? Nothing. It was too painful.

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Q: what happens when Justin Bieber walks into bar? A: three things, blood on the bar floor, another vister at the celebrity hospital, and Justin Bieber with knifes and darts stuck in his chest!

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what is green and red and goes 100 miles per hour? frog in a blender

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Ask me if I'm a grapefruit. -Are u a grapefruit? NO!

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Why couldn't the boy write his name because he had no arms.

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If there's something strange in you neighbourhood, who you gonna call? my mate Jonno who has a gun.

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How do you get through a locked door? Unlock it.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because there were 5 brothers chasing it with a bat.

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What do you call a bunch of black people buried up to their hair? Afro turf

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Roses are red Violets are blue Sunflowers are yellow Wanna have sex?

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What's the difference between Chuck Norris and Bigfoot? Nothing. Their both really hairy.

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a man walks into a bar.... his? drinking problem is seriously affecting his family

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Why did Johnny fall off his bike? His father never taught him how to ride one as he was an abusive alcoholic who abandoned Johnny's mother when Johnny was 3, so he is not very good at riding bikes.

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Q. what did the hobo say to the rich guy A. nothing the hobo wa a mute

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God Nero, Marry me now! I removed the nose thingie but it wont stop.

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What do you call a chicken with no head? A chicken with no head.

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How do you call the uncle who molested you as a child? More than likely with a telephone.

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I liked your first album but I feel that it went downhill from there. There are a few good songs on your third album though.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops