What do a worm and a human have in common? They both have arms and legs apart from the worm

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Okay, hundred billions, and because I am fucking hungry, we make it perpetual, now the longer you keep the feeling going, the stronger and stronger and you know, trillions, indefillions, nondecillions, hell, make up your own numbers and just consider them higher. Bet its starting to feel pretty nice huh?

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did Suzie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Suzie.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Q: How many hair styles do celebreties induce annualy? A: I have no clue but I'm pretty sure that's a midget defacing your house!

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why do children go to school? Because they have to learn.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Remember how I made you hypnotically cum by poking your own nose last time? When I told you that hypnotic story about the astrologer and the brain surgeon? So you wet yet? Think about how easy its going to be for me when I take out Mr.Big and slap down your coffee table with it, yeah... Feels cozy down there does it not?

thumb_up thumb_down -11

How many dead babies can you fit in the trunk of a car? Any number if compressed sufficiently. At neutron star density all babies in the world would fit.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Q - What is worse than a nerdy joke on anti-jokes with a lot of big words in it? A - Although I get scared when i see big words, the page long jokes are probably worse

thumb_up thumb_down -11

My father stole my mothers heart, he's in jail for murder

thumb_up thumb_down -11

How do you know if you're gay? You find yourself sleeping with people of the same sex.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did it take a long time to read the anti-joke? Because of the great amount of space between the question and the answer.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did dave not hug his wife? becuase he said she looked horrifying from the war in iraq.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Gary: Stick your tongue out and say "I live in a pirate ship" Bruce: *sticks tongue out* "I lib inna pile of shiiit."

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Where did little Timmy go when the bomb dropped? Everywhere.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why do seagulls live by the sea? Because they wouldn't be able to live anywhere else.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What do you call a black man standing on a podium? Slave trade

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why don't dinosaurs talk? Because they're all dead!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A man walks into a bar…. he then looks around checking to make sure no one saw this abashing action. He sees no one did then plashing a big smile on hst face he begins to strut forward only to trip over an empty can of spray cheese. it is important to note that this spray cheese was low fat

thumb_up thumb_down -11

a grasshopper walks into a bar the bartender says hey we have a drink named after you the grasshopper says what dave?

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's the difference between an orange and a banana? they're spelled differently

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did mallisa get to go to the bar instead of jeremy... jeremy has prostate cancer and he needs to be examined every 2 1/2 minuites plus he's 7 years old.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's the difference between Colonel Sanders and a barrel of olives? Colonel Sanders isn't in a barrel.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

I asked my wife to make me a sandwich. I had forgotten she was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

you gay?

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops