Knock knock Who's there? A fireman. You're house burned down.

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Why couldn't the man ever reach his dream of becoming a professional athlete? He was pronounced with Alzheimer at a young age and could never remember his dream the next day.

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Why couldn't the farmer drive his tractor He had no arms why didn't he have arms Because he was a potato

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Man: Am i going to be alright? Doctor: No, you're going to die.

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What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Nothing.

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

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Why was the boy crying? Because him and his sister were sent to an orphanage.

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I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.

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Q: what's yellow and can't use chopsticks. A: corn

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What did the chicken say when it finally crossed the road? - nothing, its a chicken

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When the world ends what would be the death toll It would be unknown since every one would be around to calculate it

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Q. Why did the man walk away from his wife? A. Because he wanted to walk away from his wife.

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How are leprechauns and lions similar? The both start with L.

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Why doesn't your dad want to have sex with your mom? Because my penis is already in her vagina, thus your dad's inability to place his penis in her vagina.

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what do u call a lesbian dinosaur? lickalotopuss

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If Irishmen didn't walk out of bars, they would collect and eventually fill the bars of the world and would die given the bars could not support them.

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How do you know when you're on the wrong side of the tracks? You don't. (Wyndellberg)

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A man walks into a bar with an octopus. He tells the bartender that his octopus can play any instrument. The bartender gives the octopus bag pipes. The octopus fiddles with the bag pipes but can't seem to play them. The man gives the bag pipes back to the bartender and leaves with his octopus. He is quite embarassed and decided to get bagpipe lessons for his octopus.

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Why did the man yell? Cause he wanted to!

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What was so incredible about this bigger new oven i just bought? It could fit twice as many Jews in it. --ZeNaziGermanDoctor

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who holds the world record for longest amount of time on fire? Jim Rome

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why couldn't the black man get a job? Because he was a violent sociopath with a criminal record.

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What did the fat man say to everyone? Hey everyone! I am i fat man!

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pleas help someone is in my house i think hes trying to kill me i'm not even joking.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops