What do you call a person who walks but doesn't run? A power walker What do you call a person who runs but doesn't walk? Someone running to the nearest bathroom holding there crotch.

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What's tiny and smells like a big banana? A tiny banana

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What did the man do when his truck was stolen? He contacted the police, who immediately began searching for the culprit. He then contacted his car insurance company and was soon compensated for the full value of his truck. One day the man was in his new truck listening to the local news and heard that the thief was found and convicted of Grand Theft Auto; his name was Martin Kaiser.

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Why did the teacher fall on her face? She was shot in the back of her head.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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what is the difference of a bag of dead babies and a trampoline? I take off my shoes when I jump on a trampoline

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OMG I JUST FOUND THE GREATEST WEBSITE YOU SHOULD TOTALLY CHECK IT OUT OMG ITS http://anti-joke.com/submit

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why did the chicken eat his brother? he was a canivore

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If polar bears were pink they'd be very easy to find

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Who threw beer on livvy barnett? Cam irwin.

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Roses are brown Violets are brown I should probably water My garden soon.

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Why can Michael Jackson no longer moonwalk? because he's dead.

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What do you get when you mix a teenager with a tanning bed? Cancer

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What did one butthole say to the other butthole? I'm actually not sure. I wasn't there when he said it.

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A man walked into a pole barn oh wait I meant a pole bar so it actually hurt.

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why did the black man rape the little girl? no reason, its just a part of life. oh well

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What starts with f and ends in u-c-k? a:****

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what did one lady say to another lady we are both ladies

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What is black, white, and red all over? A penguin that someone shot with red paintballs.

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Two muffins are in an oven. After a set period of time, they finish baking and are enjoyed by the family who had made them. Two weeks later the eldest daughter contracts syphilis thanks to numerous sexual partners. She soon dies leaving her parents and brother depressed. Her brother is kidnapped by a viscous child predator and the mother commits suicide. The father gets a job with the New York Yankees. He is eaten by a genetically modified zebra.

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What's do you call two bulls, a goat, and a horse? Farm Animals

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Q: What is the difference between Jimmy and a kite A: Jimmy is higher MR

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look at your sister now look at me now look at your sister now look at me you probably have now realized that you cant see me.

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knock knock... whos there? NOT BIN LADEN!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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