How do you drown a blonde? Hold their head under water.

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YO momma is so fat she suffers from cardiovascular illnesses.

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whats pink and fluffy? candy floss.

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Like Harry Potter? Like anti-jokes? Check these out: http://anti-joke.com/anti-joke/recent/38139-why-did-dumbledore-fall-off-the-astronomy-tower-because-snape-killed-him http://anti-joke.com/anti-joke/recent/38140-knock-knock-who-s-there-you-know-you-know-who-call-him-voldemort-fear-of-a-name-increases-fear-of-the http://anti-joke.com/anti-joke/recent/38141-a-black-kid-an-asian-kid-and-a-jewish-kid-walk-into-a-barrier-they-are-students-at-hogwarts-school

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What do you expect from a perverted demon? -nothing less perverted!

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Dyeing.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she is a woman

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to the one below me. YEAH RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!

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The Aristocrats

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How are a duck and a tri-cycle the same? They both have handlebars, except for the duck.

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A man and his son are in a store, the man says to his son, "That candy bar has your name on it." The son replies, "I wish that you didn't name me Butterfingers." The dad answers, "I wish that you were never born."

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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Knock. Knock. No one is home. Okay.

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When is a door not a door? When it is a cup.

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Why arnt black people alowed in bars? Because monkeys don't drink beer! DER DA DER.

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Womens Sports

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Which is the closest animals to humans? Black people (nig3gers)

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potato

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Religion

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A black guy, mexican, and asian walk into a bar. They leave soon after because they heard the "one about them"

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So a man walks into a wedding and asks the waiter where the to wait for the punch... the waiter says, "there is no punchline."

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Why was the school teacher crying? Because after 12 minutes of watching each one of your students be crushed to death by an 18 wheeler, anyone would cry.

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In soviet Russia... there is a distinct probability that you will get mugged due to the high crime rate and gang ruled streets.

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Bob: The whale is a creature that isn't naturally capable of creating any kind of technologically advanced unit of operations? Spectator: Was that actually a question or a statement? Bob: To be candid, occasionally my mind registers the practically indelible impression that I am not competent enough to effectively articulate my relatively subtle thoughts of philosophical value. Spectator: What'd you attempt to explicate? Bob: Hello, contemporary. Spectator: That's definitely considerably better than, "Benevolent greeting to you, fellow indigenous inhabitants of the magnificant, planetary cynosure, Earth Prime." You've managed to improve! Bob: I shall try to emulate those simpletons of this planet in order to garner new allies. Maybe next time I should just stick with some traditional routines that many people currently practice on a daily basis. Now, it's time to examine some "test subjects" so to educate myself further on the nature of my numerous classmates, purported facillitators etc. Spectator: Bye. Bob: See you next time! Wow... I amaze myself with my ability to efficiently adapt to my circumstantial situations. I mean, I am a ninja student who has developed new skills at communication! Wait... nevermind. Bystander: man, were you just soliloquizing... and personally enjoying it? Bob: Ehhh,... No? Bystander: Was that a statement or a question?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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