why did Suzy drop her ice cream? doesn't matter, why is she out of the kitchen.

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Why did the man masturbate? Because there was no one who wanted to partake in sexual intercourse with him.

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Why did the young girl fall off of the swing set? Because a man came up behind her and pushed her. He then picked her up, brought her home and fed her a nice three course meal and put her to bed. When she woke up she snuck out of the house and alerted the police.

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a little boy and a pedophile are walking in the woods. it is late at night and therefore very dark. the little boy turns to the pedophile.and says "gee mister, it sure is scary out here." the pedophile responds "yeah, and your'e going to get raped"

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A homeless man stumbles upon $100 bill. It is actually just a food wrapper, his eyesight is lackluster.

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How many Somalians can you fit in a Shopping trolley? Well rather unfortunately there is a lack of Shopping Centers in Somalia due to its corrupt government and its general poverty in comparison to a 1st world country, needless to mention the civil wars. I would guess 7 though.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

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whats the same about a turtle and another turtle? they both seem to like lettuce

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Why did Sally Fall Off The Swing? She had no arms Knock Knock! Who's there? Not Sally

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A girl walks into a bar. She's a lesbian.

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Q. Why did billy die? A. Becuase everyone dies in life

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Your Momma’s muscle to fat ratio can only be explained in irrational complex numbers.

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Why Did the throw up He was sick

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a guy is driving home his wife calls him and she say's be careful there is a lunatic driving on the wrong side of the road towards traffic he then reply saying they all are

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Why did lady gaga set her alarm? So she could get up in the morning.

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Why did the man burp? Because gases escaped from his stomach and came out of his mouth.

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What’s the best part about winning a gold medal? Nothing. You’re on acid and staring straight at the sun.

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Once there was a baby ostrich name Bert. He was the cutest ostrich with those big black beady eyes, fuzzy feathers and funny wobbly baby ostrich walk. I knelt down and as Bert came running towards me as if I were his ostrich father about to protect him from something dangerous. As he got within arm’s reach I punched him so hard he turned into a baby kitten. I decided that Bert was an ...insufficient name for a baby kitten so I said to the purring ball of fuzz “I shall call you Turtle” a kitten named Turtle was a very hilarious conundrum. Things went well for an hour or two and then Turtle decided to pee on my tile floors which infuriated me because everyone knows that cat pee doesn’t come out of carpet! I decided to teach Turtle a football drill called kick the cuddly baby kitten so hard he turns into a koala bear. I sat Turtle on a football tee and suddenly our eyes met and he stared at me with the cutest face a kitten has ever made I took three steps back and turned back towards him. I stared into his big baby kitten eyes and then at a running sprint kicked him as hard as I could into the wall. There was a quiet sound like that of a space shuttle taking off into outer space. As I looked to see where my kick had sent Turtle soaring through the air, I found to my surprise, Turtle had turned into a cute cuddly baby raccoon. I walked across the room and scooped up the adorable baby raccoon. A raccoon named turtle was just too absurd so I decided to give the furry ball of warmth a new and more appropriate name. I stared into his cute raccoon eyes and declared aloud, “I shall call you Dorito!” I rocked Dorito calmly back and forth in my arms until he was fast asleep. A thought then entered my head, how funny would it be to put Dorito into a chip bag? I chuckled aloud and then decided my mind was set. I pulled a chip bag out of my backpack and carefully pulled the bag open and realized I’d been scammed! Inside the bag was a single Dorito chip. I then ate my Doritos.

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if justin beiber was dating a girl what would you call him? a lesbian

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What's big, black and long? The line in KFC

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A man walks into kindergarden class with a beer. He then gets arrested.

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Why did the man smile at his wife? Because she had a silly looking face, like a fish.

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Q .What robin told to batman before they got into the car? A. Get into the car!!

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Yo mama so poor... that she possesses substantially less money than the average person working hard in order to accumulate money today.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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