a guy is driving home his wife calls him and she say's be careful there is a lunatic driving on the wrong side of the road towards traffic he then reply saying they all are

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What’s the best part about winning a gold medal? Nothing. You’re on acid and staring straight at the sun.

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Why did the man burp? Because gases escaped from his stomach and came out of his mouth.

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Hey, come here often? No.

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A jew walks into a bar. The bartender says "get out you jew!" The bar tender apparently was a Nazi.

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Once there was a baby ostrich name Bert. He was the cutest ostrich with those big black beady eyes, fuzzy feathers and funny wobbly baby ostrich walk. I knelt down and as Bert came running towards me as if I were his ostrich father about to protect him from something dangerous. As he got within arm’s reach I punched him so hard he turned into a baby kitten. I decided that Bert was an ...insufficient name for a baby kitten so I said to the purring ball of fuzz “I shall call you Turtle” a kitten named Turtle was a very hilarious conundrum. Things went well for an hour or two and then Turtle decided to pee on my tile floors which infuriated me because everyone knows that cat pee doesn’t come out of carpet! I decided to teach Turtle a football drill called kick the cuddly baby kitten so hard he turns into a koala bear. I sat Turtle on a football tee and suddenly our eyes met and he stared at me with the cutest face a kitten has ever made I took three steps back and turned back towards him. I stared into his big baby kitten eyes and then at a running sprint kicked him as hard as I could into the wall. There was a quiet sound like that of a space shuttle taking off into outer space. As I looked to see where my kick had sent Turtle soaring through the air, I found to my surprise, Turtle had turned into a cute cuddly baby raccoon. I walked across the room and scooped up the adorable baby raccoon. A raccoon named turtle was just too absurd so I decided to give the furry ball of warmth a new and more appropriate name. I stared into his cute raccoon eyes and declared aloud, “I shall call you Dorito!” I rocked Dorito calmly back and forth in my arms until he was fast asleep. A thought then entered my head, how funny would it be to put Dorito into a chip bag? I chuckled aloud and then decided my mind was set. I pulled a chip bag out of my backpack and carefully pulled the bag open and realized I’d been scammed! Inside the bag was a single Dorito chip. I then ate my Doritos.

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if justin beiber was dating a girl what would you call him? a lesbian

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YO mama so stupid, when she got hit by a bus she said WHO THREW THAF ROCK AT ME.

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What's big, black and long? The line in KFC

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A man walks into kindergarden class with a beer. He then gets arrested.

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Why did the man smile at his wife? Because she had a silly looking face, like a fish.

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Q .What robin told to batman before they got into the car? A. Get into the car!!

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Yo mama so poor... that she possesses substantially less money than the average person working hard in order to accumulate money today.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread. Why did the car crash? Because the driver was a loaf of bread. Why did the boat sink? Because the pirates attacked.

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You know how we have iPods? OJ Simpson strangled his wife.

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A three legged dog walks into a saloon. He is quickly removed, as it was an establishment for humans and not for dogs.

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whats red and smells like blue paint? half a painter.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Commie. Commie who? Commie Johnson. We went to high school together.

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Knock knock! "It's unlocked"

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What did the kid with cancer get for Christmas? A visit from the Make a Wish Foundation and the opportunity to see her favorite band in concert. Unfortunately, she was very ill from the chemotherapy, and was unable to really enjoy herself at the concert. She passed away several days later, surrounded by family and friends.

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what did the catholic priest say to the little boy? -probably something about god or jesus because they are in church

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Why didn't the boy enjoy his lunch? It was dinner time.

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Why is a giraffe's neck so long? Because its head is so far away from its shoulders.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Thousands upon thousands upon thousands of dying infants.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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