What do you call a man with no arms or legs wearing lead weights in a pool? Screwed.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

One day three men died. Heaven had almost been full, and he wanted to see who could get in and who would burn. So the first man starts and says "well I just got home from my girlfriends house, she just dumped me. I was crazy mad, and as I was about to eat the pain away, I saw a man hanging off of my porch. I ran to the man pulled out a sledge hammer, and then smashed his hands off the balcony. And without thinking I picked up my refrigerator and threw it down at him. But sadly I fell with the refridgerator." the second man steps up and says.. "I was doing my dance routine on my porch, and I slipped on an ice cube and flipped off the rail. I took ahold of a railing on which I could puulmupmtomsaftey on, but as I was about to save my own life some psychotic man comes out with a sledge hammer and bashes my hands off the railing. After he threw his refridgerator down at me." and then the third guy says..."well I was in this refridgerator........."

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Billy was walking along the sidewalk. He strayed into someone's yard. He got run over by a lawnmower because he couldn't see with the frog he had stapled to his face.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Q. How do you make a blonde sad? A. Tell her that her entire family died in an accident.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A dyslexic Irishman walks out of a bra.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What do a Shark and a lemon have in common? They can both swim, except for the lemon

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Whats black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white? A Nun falling down stairs

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What did the farmer say when he lost his donkey? "Oh no, my donkey is my livelihood and the only means I have of supporting my family. Now, we shall surely starve."

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Guy 1 : what you watching? Guy 2 : a documentary on birds Guy 1 : can i watch it with you? Guy 2 : yeah sure go for it.....

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What's brown and sticky? A stick

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Q: Why was six afraid of seven? A: I don't know, he didn't tell me.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A. Knock-knock. B. Who's there? A. Hey, your doorbell's broken.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Knock Knock. F uck off.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do you call a homosexual with no legs or arms. Jerry

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A black guy, mexican, and asian walk into a bar. They leave soon after because they heard the "one about them"

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it was born yesterday.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Elmer: "Wabbit Season" Buggs: "Duck Season" Elmer: "Wabbit Season" Buggs: "Duck Season" Elmer: "Wabbit Season" Buggs: "Wabbit Season" Elmer: Bang

thumb_up thumb_down

roses are red violets are blue i have aids and now so do you.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? Depends on how hard you throw them.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

professor x walks over to wolverine with good news, he falls and dies of a severe concussion

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Woman : Child,what time is it? Child : I'm not a kid, I Broccoli.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

So one time this woman was learning...

thumb_up thumb_down -4

what's the difference between babies and a trampoline? I take my shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops