A blind man walks into a bar, bystanders help him up.

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What happens when you ask a blind guy to drive you somewhere? What happens if you ask a blind guy to drive? You will end up in a four way accident with 8 people dead 2 of which children and 1 baby. You might survive but the blind guy won't so you will have to go to court for him on the issue. You realize that you are terrible when it comes to the law and you get yourself thrown in jail for 2 years. When you get out you are so tired of getting butt raped that you go out and do it to someone else. Then you go back to jail an the process repeats it's self because this is the American justice system. We could work on it a little bit. But yeah, don't ask a blind guy to drive, your butt says thanks.

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what did the unicorn say to the centaur? nothing because neither exist

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Why was the boy scared? Well, his mother had recently taken up Satanical ideals and in an attempt to sacrifice themselves to the Dark Lord, she drove her car off a cliff and into a lake. Now, with his dead mother in the drivers seat, no way to call emergency services, and 300 feet of water between him and the surface, you can see why he'd be scared.

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Q-What did the blonde say when I stomped on her toe? A: asdfsdflsdrfjkofweønaweøiofioawef, .Would you be ever so kind to move your foot as it is currently in a position of where it causes my nerves to send pain impulses to my brain. Thanks

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Why did the turtle take so long on his run? Because he never went on a run he walked.

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Q. How do you wake up a sleeping rich man? A. By splashing acid in his face

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A young boy is concerned about the well- being of his father, due to the fact he may have cancer. Turns out, he doesn't. So they got ice cream.

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A blonde, a redhead and a brunette were on an island. There were loads of other people too - the UK is a pretty popular place to live.

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Why did the fat girl stop eating? She wasn't hungry.

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What's big, black, and impossible to swallow? A parking lot. Among many other things.

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what do you get when you cross an ant with toni? ANTONI

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What the difference between a car and a dead child I dont have a car in the basement

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Shltskc gw? G

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A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Why the long face?" And the horse says "I have cancer".

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Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?! No one... pineapples float.

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It's okay we all love you, except me, and everyone else.

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What's the difference between a dead baby and a tire iron? I've never forcibly expelled three tire irons from my vagina.

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I wish there were a city named Sample. So that the sign can say "Urine Sample"

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a boy poops in class everybody laughs and now he has no friends

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What do you call a two headed platypus? Go ask him, I'm sure he has a name.

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Roses are black Violets are black I'm blind

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Knock Knock. Who's There? Look through your peephole, you lazy bastard.

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What do u do to blow off steam? I simply go to the top of the empire states building, poor gasoline in a bag, put a baby in it, light it on fire, and through it off the side. problem?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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