Q: What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? A: I don't know; I was too busy trying to find my camera.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What did the fish say when he hit the wall? A. Dam B. He Charlie I found the wall C. Both Well he didn't say both but he could have said A or B but it wouldn't make sense for him to say both.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What's the difference between a person who can differentiate an anti-joke from a joke and one who cannot? Other than being able to tell the difference between the two types of humour, it is impossible to tell, as no further information is given.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Knock knock. Who's there? Insurance. Insurance who? I'm sorry, sir; we can't fix your liver because you don't have any insurance.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A kangaroo walks into a bar, he hops up to the bartender, and asks for a martini. The bartender, not knowing exactly what to do, goes into the back to his boss's office. He says "Hey, there's a kangaroo up front askin' for a martini...do we serve kangaroos?" His boss replies "Ya, of course, but these kangaroos, they aren't too smart, so charge him like 50 bucks for the drink." The bartender agrees and goes back up front to serve the kangaroo. He pours the martini and hands it to the kangaroo, the kangaroo thanks him and says "How much do I owe you?" The bartender replies "50 bucks." The kangaroo then reaches into his pouch, pulls out a fifty dollar bill, and puts it on the counter. He finishes his drink and begins to hop away. As he is leaving, the bartender says "Hey, wait, we don't get many of your kind around here, why is that?" And the kangaroo replies "I'm not surprised at THESE prices!!!" and hops out.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

had a good wank over anime yesterday xoxo dylan hodge

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What did Raymond say when josh ate him? Nothing because Raymond was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

If a chicken and a taco cross a highway how many cats does it take to milk a turkey? Cactus cause the dog had two black eyes

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being ripped apart by an angry orangatang because orangatangs have the strength of ten men.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did the chicken cross the road? I'm not quite sure, but I just realized that my new pair of boxer briefs has ripped along the seam. Oh, and earlier this morning, I stubbed my toe pretty bad. The nail is all purple and the toe is all swollen, it was bleeding profusely until I put three bandages over the wound. It's still throbbing with pain. Oh, and also, a few months ago, I lost my job. It wasn't because I was constantly late or anything, it was more because as a server, I had been required to lift trays and stand and walk for the entirety of my shift. The only problem is, that about a year ago, I was involved in a serious car accident (once again, an occurrence that had not been due to my own actions). This car accident severed my spine in the L5 region. I can now barely walk for long periods of time, I find it impossible to run, I can no longer play sports and enjoy being a 21 year old male. I am in constant pain and it affects my breathing, my legs, the rest of my back, and also my teeth (due to the neurological connections dealing with the spinal cord). I am now currently looking for a new job, a more suitable job, to help sustain my hectic lifestyle. No, it is not a lifestyle of parties and what not, it is merely the lifestyle of living under roof and owning a used car. I have an alcoholic mother and my childhood was devoid a father. I raised myself, and to this day, I still have no family to help me through my financial struggles. I need nearly 2000 dollars in less than a week in order to pay all my bills, have my car fixed, and eat for another month. The only problem is, I have a dollar and 58 cents to my name. I wish I was this chicken, crossing roads, and what not, not just to get to the other side, but to live a better life. But, one can only wish.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Roses are red Violets are purple. I just realized that nothing rhymes with "Purple".

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What do you call man with no limbs or a head? Your neighbor.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

what dyu call a bunch of white guys on a bench? the NBA

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did the black man cross the road? To get to the other ____?

thumb_up thumb_down -15

So, a Vulcan walks into a bar... and he doesn't say anything, because Vulcan's suppress their emotions.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did the dish run away from the spoon? None of them ran neither one has legs

thumb_up thumb_down -15

1 error prohibited this post from being saved There were problems with the following fields: * Body can't be blank

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was raped when i was little.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip? to ge to the same side

thumb_up thumb_down -15

How did the fireman get to the police station? He massacred his wife and children.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What is a pirates favorite crime? Piracy, which is still a serious problem in today's society.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

whats the strongest muscle the man who can't talk has. definatly not his mouth

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A dog is always in the pushup position.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What the difference between a circle and a triangle? You're an idiot if you don't know the difference.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops