what will you do if you become a ruler of the world? Waking up, its just a dream GET REAL!

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What did the pear tree say to the farmer? Go harvest that corn over yonder.

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A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

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Why wouldn't they give Helen Keller a driver's liscense? Because she was a woman.

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Man: Hey honey! you look mighty fine today! Want to go play some lax? Woman: I'd love to! Thanks babe! Man: Just kidding you are a woman.

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One day Jesus said to John, " come forth and recieve everlasting life." Sadly John came in fifth and won a toaster.

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Two cows are out in a field grazing. One falls over and dies because it was unhealthy and was ravaged with a deadly disease. The other cow, which does not understand death, continues to graze until the farmer moves it back to the barn.

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Two kiwis are in a fridge. Suddenly, the door opens, and one of them is pulled out by a human hand. He was never to be seen again.

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Knock Knock Who's There Trick or Treat!!!

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A: What did the Orange say to the Mango? B: Sup Hommie?! A: Wtf.... (awkwardly walks away)

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WHO'S YO DADDY? the man who's semen combined with your mother's egg to create a child.

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(sniff) (sniff) It smells like gross diarrhea in here... (sniff) (sniff) ... Yeah it does

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What did the jew say to hitler? SURPRISE!! IM YOUR NEW DADDY

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A jew walks into a bar He receives a phone call and promptly leaves

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why did the chicken cross the road? well... to get to the other side.

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Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.

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Yo mama's so stupid, she put the baby in the microwave

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why did you poop because you are a poop

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A man walks into a bar. He orders a beer, then suddenly dies of a heart attack.

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A Jew walked into a bar and his cat died of aids

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Why do most married men die before their wives? Men have on average a shorter life expectancy than women.

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Why did the skeleton cross the road? Because Apocalypse arrived and dead people now have the ability to walk.

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Whats worst than getting bombed by the russians? The holocaust!

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Someone dies every second. That's 60 a minute. 3600 a hour. 86,400 a day. 604,800 a week. 31,536,000 a year. But thankfully- I don't live in Zimbabwe.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops