what do you do with a drunken sailor? take him back to port because he's not in a right state of mind to be on board a moving vessel

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Lady gaga suposedly has a wener.What does that make her? A man

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It's green, has four legs and sits in a tree. And if it falls on your head you're dead. A billiard table.

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Why did the gay man's ass hurt? He has rectal cancer.

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You mom is to dumb when she herd about Walgreens she thout all the walls were green

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what's gray, rectangular, and provides a good time? your mother's sex tape.

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How do you make a hormone? Modify bacteria using recombinant DNA technology.

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A child finally stood up to the school bullies! Recently the news did a story about a school shooting.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? AIDS

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A dog walks into a bar. He's a service animal, so this is allowed.

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So there were these two ovens in a muffin. One oven said "Holy fuck it's muffiny in here." The other oven said "Holy fuck a talking oven!"

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An Irishman walked out of a bar

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Fred: says hi Bob: says shut up why the hell do you have to be so rude!!! Fred:thankyou ob thats better

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How many Dean Mckee's does it take to screw in a lightbulb? He doesn't know what a lightbulb's for, nevermind how to use one.

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A Gamer walks into the tavern, the bartender says to him, "just dont act like you control the place!"

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How do you get a baby to be quiet? Put it in the oven for a few minutes

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Why did the man eat a human heart? Because he was part of a dangerous, religious cult.

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whats the difference between this joke and other jokes other jokes have a punch line

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"Merry Christmas, Mom! My gift to you is...ME!" "I brought you into this life you disrespectful brat!" He then proceeds to a cliff.

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An Irishman and his sheep are locked in a barn together for 3 days. On the 3rd day his wife finally notices that he is gone, and comes looking in the barn for her husband. She liberates him, cooks him dinner, and they both laugh at the bestiality that occurred in the barn. 3 days is indeed a long time for anyone to endure.

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What did the ice cream man ask the little boy? Want some ice cream?

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Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first one. Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it thought it was a game. Why did the tree fall over? Because it thought it was a squirrel.

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How do you confuse a Mexican? Stand in the middle of a crosswalk while shouting "Cthulu will rise!" whilst looking at the sky and playing "Everybody Have Fun Tonight" by Wang Chung. Works every time.

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Why did the dog cross the road? Because the pizza man saw how hungry he was and left a pizza for the dog. So when the dog saw the pizza he went to go get the pizza, because he was hungry. In hindsight the moral of the story is: if you ever see a hungry dog on the other side of the road, become a pizza man (if you aren't already) and give him a pizza.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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