So i was writing a letter to my girlfriend on valentines day right ? So this is how it goes . " hey lisa happy volentines day!" my black friend walks up to me and says" its a mightyfine day out! " The moral of the story is... Tomatoes can't fly planes

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A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

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What do you call a person who walks but doesn't run? A power walker What do you call a person who runs but doesn't walk? Someone running to the nearest bathroom holding there crotch.

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Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because chickens hadn't evolved yet.

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Camerons hair is Curly..

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What happens when you throw a yellow rock into a purple river? it makes a splash

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What's hot and cold at the same time? Hotcold.

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I used to say "I used to be an adventurer like you but then I took an arrow to the knee" like you but then I took an arrow in the knee.

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Have you seen Hellen Kellers mon?... Neither has she

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Q: When did the man realize it was 5:00am? A: When it became 5:00am.

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What did the orphan get for Christmas? Cancer.

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How high is the grass in Germany? Approximately the same height as the grass in America.

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How do you keep black people from your Kool-aid? How? You put it in a safe-deposit box.

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why did the chicken cross the road? because chickens just walk places. they have no agenda.

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What is the worst gift a child can get? a gift

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Tod:Hey Rick wanna hear a joke?Rick:No.

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If you work at Penn State you might want to skip the annual "bring your kid to work day"

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What was the homeless guy doing on the side of the rode? Begging for money.

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What do you call a black guy selling drugs? A pharmacist.

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What has four wheels and flies? A flying car.

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Roses are red violets are blue I'm gonna rape you with a stick

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three peanuts where walking down a dark alley, one was asalted

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Whats worst than a cold? Being shot in the face repeatadly by a rocket launcher until death.

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A: How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb? Q: None! They shouldn't have to...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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