Fish for a man, he has food for tonight. Teach a man how to fish and he will have one more skill under his belt.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a finger And the middle ones for you

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The chicken crossed the road.

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What's better then winning a gold medal at the special olympics? Not being retarded.

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What's worse then listening to Nickleback? The Holo- On second thought, nothing.

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professor x walks over to wolverine with good news, he falls and dies of a severe concussion

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What is a dog? Bark

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GUY 1: Mann, I just got done working out, check out my forearms!!! GUY 2: You only have two silly!!

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what black and white and read all over? a woman who has just been beaten and raped covered in semen.

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What is the longest word in the English language? SMILES: there is a mile between the first and last letters!"

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what makes white men feel embarrassed and and ashamed? when they find out their girllfriend has been sleeping with a black man.

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why was the kid named owen? Because thats what his parents wnted him to be named

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What is black blue and screaming? Your daughter when i kicked the shit out of her

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A lady in a bank was asked by the clerk to round the sum she wanted to raise from her account. She rounded it several times, but the clerk continued to insist that the sum needs to be rounded. She left the bank confused, with a coupon consisting of completely rounded sum of 691, 88$. Next day she returned with a coupon with a rounded sum of 690,88$. The clerk asked again the lady to round the sum. The lady started helplessly to cry and said she had rounded is already with a harp, and couldn't make it round anymore, she even removed the sharp 1 from the sum.

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A homeless man stumbles upon $100 bill. It is actually just a food wrapper, his eyesight is lackluster.

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That's unfortunate.

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What's worse than being human? Nothing... No I literally mean nothing at all. Like not being anything?

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Lilys are from england violets from japan. I've got a knife now get in the van

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There once was a man from Nantucket Whose name was Mike

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This guy walks up to the bartender, and says to him, " ill bet you $100 that i can piss in this cup from 20 ft away." The bartender laughs, thinking hes gonna get an easy 100 bucks. he says "ok, u do that and ill watch." the guy says "ok but one second." he then walks over to this table full of guys and the bartender see him and them whispering and shaking heads. then the guys walks back over, and says to the bartender, "ok here i go" then he whips out his wang and starts pissing all over the place,all over the bartender, the counter, everywhere but the cup. Meanwhile the bartenders laughing, because he thinks he made some easy money. then the bartender asks the guy for his money and the guy says, "alright one minute." then the guys walks over to the table full of guys and they al start pulling out money and give it to him. so the guy walks over to the bartender and says, "here you are, your 100 bucks" the bartender notices him smileing and says "u just lost 100 bucks why are you happy?" and the guy says, " you see that table full of guys over there? well, i bet them all $500 dollars that i could piss all over you, your counter and all of your things, and that youd not only be happy about it, but youd laugh!!!"

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Why did the man burp? Because gases escaped from his stomach and came out of his mouth.

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What’s the best part about winning a gold medal? Nothing. You’re on acid and staring straight at the sun.

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once there was a man named steve. he happily sniffs pot every day after work. especially on sundays. one day, his family finds him sniffing pot. they are disgusted and disappointed in his bad decisions. so they join him

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A blond, a brunette and a redhead are all trapped on a desert island. They work together and manage to survive until help arrives.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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