What doesn't kill you leaves you in a coma.

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What's worse than stubbing your toe? Slavery.

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Knock, Knock? Who's there? Its Gilly.

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what would george washington do if he was alive today? he would scream and scratch his coffiin

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roses are green violets are green i was drunk last night

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What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One's fun to smash with a hammer and the other one is a watermelon.

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Why did the white woman press charges against the black guy? Because he raped her

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What do you call a jewish person at a construction site? A builder

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Whats funnier than a baby in a jar? A baby in ten jars.

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Why did the horse say moo? Because it's a cow

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's a woman

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why did the kid struggle in school? because hes mentally retarted

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Jerry Rice is walking down the streets of San Francisco when all of a sudden he hears sirens coming from the next street down. He hurries down the road to see what's happening and sees a huge fire engulfing a 10 story building. And on the top floor, a lady is leaning out the window shouting to the firemen below. FIREMAN: Come on, lady, jump. We have the tarp here, we'll be able to catch you. LADY: No....I can't. My baby, my baby is up here. FIREMAN: Throw the baby down, we'll catch him. LADY: No, you'll miss. I can't leave my baby. Jerry sees this and steps forward. "Hey, I think I can help. Let me have the bullhorn." JERRY: Hey lady, I'm Jerry Rice, the wide receiver for the San Francisco 49er's. I'm the best wide receiver in the game, throw your baby down and I'll catch him, this is what I do for a living. Being a 49er fan herself, the lady recognizes Jerry and throws her baby down to him. Just as she throws it though, a huge gust of wind comes and takes the baby and starts to blow him off course. Jerry sees this and takes off after the baby. He hurdles the line closing off the area, fights through the crowd, dodges a couple of fire fighters, jumps over the car, and dives forward, just making a fingertip catch of the baby. The crowd around him goes wild and starts cheering his amazing catch. So Jerry jumps to his feet, raises his finger into the air, does a two step and then spikes the baby. If you have any dead baby jokes that are not here, I want to hear from you. Email me your dead baby jokes at skitzopathik@hotmail.com and I'll add them to this page.

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What did the pet lion say to its owner? Nothing. The lion then proceeded to hunt down its owner, pin him down and rip out his insides. Besides, the likelyhood of owning a lion as a pet is very slim, and even if one did, this act would be highly illegal in most parts of the world.

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What did the drunk man say to his wife? "I love you, Honey"

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Why is travis so funny? Trick question, He died of cancer 3 years ago.

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Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack has a crippling addiction to Cocaine which ultimately led to his divorce and the subsequent loss of custody of his children.

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What do you call a black man that has a family with a white woman? A good husband and father who had a stable job in a not so stable economy. The current issues of inflation has made it hard for him, but his dedication pays his bills and feeds his family. He later will die a sad death caused by prostate cancer at the age of 47.

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Q:How do you get better at boxing? A:Get a bigger package Daniel W. Schnurr

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Have you seen Stevie Wonders house?. No, Well neither has he...

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Have you ever had a traditional Ethiopian Dinner? Neither have they.

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Why did the piano explode? Beacause someone planted an explosive inside of it.

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What do you get when you mix monster, coke, and and seltzer? Kicked out of stop and shop.

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Anti-jokes are funny.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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