Why did the dinosaur cross the road? It didn't.

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Q. Why did the lotion soothe the person's skin? A. Because its ingredients were selected because of their propensity to soothe skin.

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what do you call a black man with a job? dont know, has never happened.

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Whats black and white and red all over?? Half a zebra

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? - Probably about 5 or 6, depending on the car.

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Your mother is so fat because she inherited poor genes and dietary habits from her own parents.

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A man stops another man on the street in Manhattan and asks "How do I get to Carnegie Hall ?" The other man gives him direction, including which subway stop to get off at.

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Did you hear the one about the pizza and the salamander? Neither did I.

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Yep, super duper stressed, all of the time, but how did you know?

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-Knock! Knock! -Who's there? -Bob. Is Brian's here? -Wrong adress. Brian's home is the first one at your right. -Oh sorry. Have a nice day.

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Okay, hundred billions, and because I am fucking hungry, we make it perpetual, now the longer you keep the feeling going, the stronger and stronger and you know, trillions, indefillions, nondecillions, hell, make up your own numbers and just consider them higher. Bet its starting to feel pretty nice huh?

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How do you drown a blond girl? Forcibly hold her head under water until it enters the lungs and prevents the absorption of oxygen leading to cerebral hypoxia and myocardial infarction.

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What's black, blue, red, green, white, purple, orange, yellow, etc.? Last I checked, a bunch of colors

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"Doctor, Doctor, Help I feel like a pair of curtains" "I've got some cream for that".

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What did the platypus do whenever he walked into the bar? Nothing. It's a platypus, they don't do much.

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What do you call a lord of the rings poster with nothing on it? A piece of paper

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why did the plane crash because the pilot was a tomato

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Knock Knock Who's there? re-posession officers

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What do call a fly with no legs? Dead

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Did you hear about the man hear about the man who lost an arm and a leg in a car accident? He's alright now.

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how do you make a cripple depressed? stairs..

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Michael walked into a bar, The rest of the bar initially erupted with laughter until the his carer made everybody aware that Michael suffered from brittle bones and that he had actually fractured his hip after colliding with the bar. People then understood the gravity situation as the bartender immediately dialled the emergency services. Michael managed to recover physically from the accident but to this day he is still scarred from the laughter aimed at him the night of his accident and is too afraid to return to the bar again in fear of being mocked despite the misunderstanding of the situation.

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What did the apple say to the other apple? Nothing, apples are fruits and cannot talk

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What did the lady say after she returned home from the grocery store? "Oh no! I forgot the milk!"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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