Why do bats fly in circles? They're mentally retarded.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says: "Man it's hot in here!" The other muffin looks over and says "Holy cow a talking muffin!"

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the chiken cross the road? It didn't, J-walking is against the law.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

So, a Bobcat walks into a bar. A few moments later, the bar was empty, save a bobcat and two critically wounded men.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the apple say to the banana? Nothing, apples can't talk

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What happened to the pleasure robot he pleasured someone in the pussy

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's the difference between a pelican? 28, because elephants have 4 legs.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why can't Timmy go on any rollercoasters? Because he's morbidly obese and it would a safety hazard.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do you call a discounted watercraft? It is traditional to give it a female name.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

If life gives you lemonade.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do you call a blue horse with two legs and five eyes? A blue horse with two legs and five eyes.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

autsim

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did one cannibal say to the other cannibal? Nothing, because he was eating him.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What does the average fishermen catch Fish

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What is the best time to go to the dentist? When you have a toothache

thumb_up thumb_down +7

If you are swimming in a tree how many dogs does it take to crack a duck? The answer is 4 because nothing rhymes with orange

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Sorry we dont serve time travlers here. A man walks into a bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the boy fall off the purple cliff? Because someone cut of his legs and arms and threw him off.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What is worse than being killed in a car crash? Having your girlfriend in the car with you.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

My Texting Convos: "Heyy!" "Hi!" "Watz up?" "nm hbu?" "Same here!" "Koolio!(: So wrud?" "Nothing. Just texting you!" "Yea! Same! I'm so bored! And tired!" "Ikr!" "Yupp!" *No one answers. When this is what you really want: "I love you soooo much!" "Awwwwh!<3 I loe you too!" "Do you wanna go out?(;" "YES!!(:" "ily<3" "iyl2<3" *convo goes on forever(: Moral: Purple tomatoes are books of yellow buttons on hands(;

thumb_up thumb_down +7

How do you make a little boy cry? Cut off his legs.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What happend to the man who walked into a forrest? He got raped by a giant vicious mutant spider

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A man with tourettes walks into a bar, due to his disease he shouts unexpected profanities across the room; everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the pressure anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom and pulls out a gun and points it at his head. HIs wife of 15 years walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to conceive. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man diagnosed with touretts then goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. After he killed everybody he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentanced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man with touretts still cannot control his ticks and rots in jail everyday screaming obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

how do you make a baby cry? put a nail through its foot

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops