Q: What did the two muffins say in the oven? A: OMG we are in an oven, "OMG a talking muffin"

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An asian man walks into a bar and lights a cigarette. He is politely asked to leave due to smoking being prohibited indoors.

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What do you call a bunch of Cubans on a boat in the Gulf of Mexico? A guy who just so happens to own a boat and is on a fishing trip with his buddies. -Mitch Hastings

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What did the farmer say to the chicken? Nothing, the farmer was arrested for having sex with a chicken.

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Roses are OK, Violets do the trick, C'mon and let me whip out my Dick.

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FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

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I think everybody should have a penis.

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What's the difference between Paris Hilton and a cow? Cows are ruminants, meaning that they have a digestive system that allows use of otherwise indigestible foods by regurgitating and rechewing them as "cud". Paris Hilton, on the other hand, is a human being. Therefore, her stomach digests the bolus (masticated food) only after it has exited the oesophagus into the body of the organ, where it is digested into chyme and then passed through the pyloric sphincter into the duodenum.

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What happened to the pig? It got turned into bacon like every other pig.

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Is this the Krusty Crab? Yes.

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what is the difference between my girlfriend and my black pet bunny .... i raped my black pet bunny

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What happened when barba opened the coca cola? The cap flew off and hit the fence then the train then the moon then the pillow then the sun then the pole and the pole fell and hit the baseball and the cap landed on the floor... Then my turtle died

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Why did the blind man get hit by a bus? Because his seeing-eye dog was distracted by a squirrel and ran off, leaving the man in the middle of the cross-walk in heavy traffic.

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Why did the boy get hit by a bus? HE didn't. He watched where he was going.

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Yes you better be sorry, I'm gonna suck my mums p e n i s tonight! - Dylan Hodge

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Why doesn't the chicken cross the road Because his dad got ran over by a car when he crossed the road

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Why is the baby on fire? Because there was a gas leak at the day care facility. It would have been a terrible tragedy had a heroic babysitter not come to the rescue.

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News of the day - David gives back 2 pounds to someone. The police, as he stole from a old nana to pay for a toothbrush

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ProX hacker JazZ Has aids hahahaha

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There once was a plain Cheerio. He has a decent life with a low paying job and an apartment. One day, he decided to make his life more fun and started going to parties. He met some women and had a good time. He was happier and was soon promoted at work. The next day, he woke up and tasted himself, only to discover that he was now a Honey-nut Cheerio. He continued to go to parties and met a girl that eventually became his girlfriend. He became a manager at work and moved into an expensive condo. The next day, he woke up and tasted himself and was a Frosted Cheerio. He then quit his job and opened a club, where he became the most popular Cheerio in town. All guys wanted to be him, girls with him. At one party, his girlfriend asked him for some punch. He went to the kitchen but couldn't find any. There was no punch-line.

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what do eagles and chetos have in common....... they both can fly except for the chetos

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Two muffins are baking in an oven. One of them says, "Man, it sure is hot in here." and the other muffin replies, "Yep." They later die a horrid and painful death as their flesh gets burned into a nice golden brown crisp.

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There was once a Polish man who was extremely sad with life because people always made fun of him. He decided to do something about it. He sat down to contemplate the situation, and after a few hours, he thought, "I have never seen anyone making fun of Italians. So, if I start talking and behaving like them, no one will be able to make out that I am Polish and make fun of me." He went into isolation for three months and after a lot of practice, he walked confidently into a shop and said, "I am a very hungry. Give me some pepperoni and zucchini." Immediately, the man behind the counter said "Are you Polish?" This guy was taken aback and he repeated his request. The man behind the counter said, "Are you Polish or not?" This man was finally very ashamed and amazed at the shop owner's discerning ability and so he admitted to the fact after which he asked, "But how did you know?" The shopkeeper replied, "My grandmother was Polish. I could tell by your accent."

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An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Unless your father is a doctor and you live with him.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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