What do you call a cow lying on a barn floor? A cow

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I'm going to live to be 300 years old or die trying!

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What's the thing that freaks guys out the most? When you're about to have sex with a girl and it turns out she had a penis and it's bigger than yours

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Why is 13 the most hated number? 13 is Jewish.

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Hey babe, did it hurt when the doctor cut off your umbilical cord when your mother gave birth to you. Because I have a bellybutton too!

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A man walks into a bar. He is promptly taken to the hospital where he finds out that he may have a concussion.

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Why did the plane to New York not land? It was redirected to Boston because of inclement weather.

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Q: What did the blind boy get for his birthday? A: He doesn't know

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Friend: Hey dude, you wanna come to my house after school and do some Meth? Other Friend: Nah I dont wanna get scabs all over my skin, disgusting teeth, and im not in the mood for dying early. Im good here.

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Whats white and goes up? a confused snowflake

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So mind telling me why you wont call me? And why, you know... Are you avoiding this condition of yours?

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whats better than nailing a baby to a wall? Ripping it off the wall.

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YOU MEAN SHE ACTUALLY EVER LIKED ME? WOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! Anyway, tell her to contact me here, during the number of letters up there divided by a certain number you got over there, minus the letters here subtracted with the VEEEEEEERY same ammoooouuuuunt... Moral: God I need to invent a code system that makes me sound less like Jim Carrey on crack...

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Roses are red, Violates are blue. I have an erection, and its lasted more then three hours

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Today we eat large amounts of pizza. The one piece had a lot of mushrooms. Like more than the other pieces. The cheese was flawless except for the burnt edges.

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What's black and hangs from a tree? A tire swing.

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What do you call a dead black man? A corpse.

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You can lead a fool to wisdom, but you can't make him think.

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Roses are red Violets are blue If you are reading this Then it must be deja vu

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What did the woman say to her abusive husband? You're hurting me.

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-The proceeding statement is true. -The preceeding statement is false.

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What do you call a white guy with 5 black guys. The owner of a basketball team

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple Getting raped by a hose

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What did the man do with the naked baby girl? He put some clothes on her and proceded to lay her down for a nap.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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