In soviet Russia...things are different

thumb_up thumb_down -4

John has 37 candy bars and eats 36 of them? What does John have? Diabetes, John has Diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

sit in the dark for about 4 or 5 hours covered in Vaseline with a huge dildo inside of your arse

thumb_up thumb_down -4

My girlfriend is getting an abortion tonight. Its a surprise.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Whats the difference between obama and Michael Jackson? Michael Jackson Is dead

thumb_up thumb_down -4

why was 6 afraid of 7 7 was a serial rapist with a anger problem

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. The priest has his papers but the rabbi is sent to a concentration camp.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What's black and white and red all over? Half of a zebra.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A man was walking home when a little boy ran up to him. He said "hey mister, how do you sleep apples?" Then the man wasn't sure why he asked him so he spelled it out for him "that's easy my boy, A-P-P-L-E" the little boy said "you said pee pee!" Then he laughed and ran off

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Three drunk llamas wearing sombreros are walking down the street. They walk in silence, lost in their own thoughts.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why did Susie fall off the monkey bars? She had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why did the old man throw the clock out the window? Because he didn't want to go to a store that could repair it, so then he thought that it was better off on his yard where it could compost.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What did the kid with no arms or legs get for Christmas? Cancer

thumb_up thumb_down -4

So a guy walks up to a gay guy and says: "You are a fag." The gay guy says: "That is very offensive, you jerk." So the guy says: "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know what it meant" and the gay guy says: "I accept your apology." Then the gay guy crosses the street and gets hit by a bus

thumb_up thumb_down -4

How many Soviet Russians does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, in Soviet Russia, light bulbs are an unavailable commodity because the tyrannical government has called for a ban on unnatural illumination. A fact which is not lost on Mikhail, the light bulb maker whose wife died because his lack of business caused him to miss payments on his hospital bills.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus under his arm. The bartender asks him, "say, buddy, what's with the octopus?" and the man replies, "this is the most intelligent octopus in the world. In fact, I bet you $100 that it can play any instrument you give it." The bartender snickers at the other patrons, and puts $100 on the bar. He motions the man over to the piano by the wall. The man puts the octopus on the piano, but it nothing happens. The octopus is dead, because it's been out of the water for a while. The bartender looks at the man sadly, as two psychiatric orderlies from the local mental hospital take the visitor away to the looney bin, after another patron called the police. The bartender never gets his $100, and now he has to clean up the godawful mess on his piano.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

If a tree falls in the woods, how many animals lost their home to deforestation?

thumb_up thumb_down -4

how do you make a cat get out of a tree you shot it

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Haikus are good poems, They don't always make sense though, I saw a squirrel.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Ten black people are on the 100th floor of a 110 floor building. They are going to die because they are trapped in the World Trade Center and are leaving a very happy life with their loving families.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A woman is walking down the street. A midget approaches her and with his keen sense of smell, informs the tall woman of her delicious scent and says, "Ma'am your hair smells lovely, may I please take a closer sniff?" Then woman obliges and the midget is arrested for alleged rape, or as he put it, trying to sniff her vagina.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

i was quite upset when my girlfriend called me a peodifile, what does she know, shes only 6.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What's long, dark, and smelly? The unemployment line.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why did the man have no friends? He stabbed an innocent woman and is now rotting in prison.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops