- Anti Joke

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Q: What did the boy with cancer get for Christmas. A: A specially modified coffin.

What is black blue and screaming? Your daughter when i kicked the shit out of her

A lady in a bank was asked by the clerk to round the sum she wanted to raise from her account. She rounded it several times, but the clerk continued to insist that the sum needs to be rounded. She left the bank confused, with a coupon consisting of completely rounded sum of 691, 88$. Next day she returned with a coupon with a rounded sum of 690,88$. The clerk asked again the lady to round the sum. The lady started helplessly to cry and said she had rounded is already with a harp, and couldn't make it round anymore, she even removed the sharp 1 from the sum.

Everyone lies about agreeing to the terms of service... look, I'll do it right now! because i have to click it in order to post the joke.

james schmitt whats your last name

"I had the worst day ever!" "Was it worse than 9/11?"

What’s the best part about winning a gold medal? Nothing. You’re on acid and staring straight at the sun.

knock, knock no one answers man goes home and shots himself because he feels alone

a priest, a bishop and a cardinal walk into bar to hand out pamphlets about alcoholism

Once there was a baby ostrich name Bert. He was the cutest ostrich with those big black beady eyes, fuzzy feathers and funny wobbly baby ostrich walk. I knelt down and as Bert came running towards me as if I were his ostrich father about to protect him from something dangerous. As he got within arm’s reach I punched him so hard he turned into a baby kitten. I decided that Bert was an ...insufficient name for a baby kitten so I said to the purring ball of fuzz “I shall call you Turtle” a kitten named Turtle was a very hilarious conundrum. Things went well for an hour or two and then Turtle decided to pee on my tile floors which infuriated me because everyone knows that cat pee doesn’t come out of carpet! I decided to teach Turtle a football drill called kick the cuddly baby kitten so hard he turns into a koala bear. I sat Turtle on a football tee and suddenly our eyes met and he stared at me with the cutest face a kitten has ever made I took three steps back and turned back towards him. I stared into his big baby kitten eyes and then at a running sprint kicked him as hard as I could into the wall. There was a quiet sound like that of a space shuttle taking off into outer space. As I looked to see where my kick had sent Turtle soaring through the air, I found to my surprise, Turtle had turned into a cute cuddly baby raccoon. I walked across the room and scooped up the adorable baby raccoon. A raccoon named turtle was just too absurd so I decided to give the furry ball of warmth a new and more appropriate name. I stared into his cute raccoon eyes and declared aloud, “I shall call you Dorito!” I rocked Dorito calmly back and forth in my arms until he was fast asleep. A thought then entered my head, how funny would it be to put Dorito into a chip bag? I chuckled aloud and then decided my mind was set. I pulled a chip bag out of my backpack and carefully pulled the bag open and realized I’d been scammed! Inside the bag was a single Dorito chip. I then ate my Doritos.

if justin beiber was dating a girl what would you call him? a lesbian

what do you call a pizza with a lot of jalapenos. spicy.

How do you stop the neighbors kids jumping your fence and stealing your lemons? Molest them.

A black man is playing guitar for a white man and a chinese man. After he is finished playing the white man and chinese man compliment him on his nice playing.

A three legged dog walks into a saloon. He is quickly removed, as it was an establishment for humans and not for dogs.

whats red and smells like blue paint? half a painter.

A rat scurries into a bar. Six days later, all of the people in that bar die of bubonic plague.

Why didn't the boy enjoy his lunch? It was dinner time.

no

Why did the burglar rob the bank? because he needed money due to the economic decline.

Why did the man go to Chinatown? Because he was hungry.

How do you keep a dog from chasing it's tail? cut off it's legs.

A man from florida and a woman from florida go to a restaurant, which isnt very popular.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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