Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

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How do u save someone from dieing of cancer? U shoot them in the head

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How do you kill a blonde? I don't. Murder is a crime.

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Why did Suzy drop her ice cream? Because she got hit by a bus. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Suzy!

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One day, a mother was talking with her three daughters. "Mommy," the first one asked, "Why did you name me Daisy?" "Because when we took you home, a daisy fell on your head." "Mommy," the second one said, "Why did you name me Rose?" "Because when we took you home, a rose fell on your head." ..."MMMBBWWAAAAAGGGHH!" the third daughter cried. She was born with severe cognitive damage and is incapable of coherent speech.

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Why did the plain crash? Because the pilot was a bagel.

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So this guy and his monkey walk into a bar, I forget the rest of the joke but your mothers a whore.

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Why did the man burp? Because gases escaped from his stomach and came out of his mouth.

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once there was a man named steve. he happily sniffs pot every day after work. especially on sundays. one day, his family finds him sniffing pot. they are disgusted and disappointed in his bad decisions. so they join him

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Hey, come here often? No.

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Why do Jews have big noses? Because it is genetic.

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what happened to the mexican who dropped his ice cream at work? He got a raise, won the $5 billion jackpot, was given ten car dealerships, then died.

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What's worse than having a friend in a car accident? Laughing at their funeral.

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What happened when a fish rode a bike? It fell off and injured itself.

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Whats worse than a bee sting? Two bee stings. Whats worse than two bee stings? The holocaust. Whats worse than the holocaust? Three bee stings

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What did the Jewish man get for Christmas? Nothing. He is Jewish, therefore he does not celebrate Christmas, he celebrates Hanukkah. So he won't get a present for Christmas, he will get eight presents for Hanukkah. (He'll like getting a good deal).

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How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Tie her up and force her to watch as you brutally murder her entire family.

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You know what happens when you assume. You jump to a conclusion that could conceivably have severe consequences.

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What is wrong with racism? A lot of things.

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what is patrick wilson? smart

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Why don't seagulls live in the bay? Because then they'd be bagels

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I was walking on the beach when I heard a man yell "Help, Shark, Help!" and I laughed, because I knew the shark wasn't going to help him.

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What's better than winning the special Olympics? Not being retarded.

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How many electricians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? If you need an electrician to screw in a lightbulb, you're a moron.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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