How can you tell if a duck is watching you? Look at its eyes

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So, this one time, I was at the grocery store. Man, that was nuts.

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Why did Napoleon cross his legs? Because he had to go to the bathroom

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What do you call a naked black person? A black guy

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What's the difference between people with aids and people with cancer? People with cancer can get into heaven

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What do you call a person trying to save his interprise from partaking in a financial collapse by binging on alcohal? An alcoholic.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was being chased by a predator and crossing the road led it away from it's pursuer.

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This is a haiku The second line is longest Hippopotamus.

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Roses are shit Violets are my dick Guess what I do for a living? Sex with refrigerator monkeys!

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Why did Little Jimmy never make it in the NBA? Because he died at age 6.

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Why couldn't Helen Keller read? She was blind

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Why is evan a lil poop? cause he pooped my poop all the pooping ;)

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Why did a guy with a lisp, v-neck, and piercings pee while sitting down? His joints hurt.

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What's a rabbit's favourite food? No-one knows, like humans, every rabbit has it's own favourite food.

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Knock knock Who's there? The police your son died in a car wreck.

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whats funny and has four wheels? A handicapped 11 year old boy getting raped by his father

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Why did the child drop it's lollipop? Because they got hit by a bus.

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dildo

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In soviet Russia... there is a distinct probability that you will get mugged due to the high crime rate and gang ruled streets.

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A lady in a bank was asked by the clerk to round the sum she wanted to raise from her account. She rounded it several times, but the clerk continued to insist that the sum needs to be rounded. She left the bank confused, with a coupon consisting of completely rounded sum of 691, 88$. Next day she returned with a coupon with a rounded sum of 690,88$. The clerk asked again the lady to round the sum. The lady started helplessly to cry and said she had rounded is already with a harp, and couldn't make it round anymore, she even removed the sharp 1 from the sum.

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james schmitt whats your last name

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"I had the worst day ever!" "Was it worse than 9/11?"

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Why did lady gaga set her alarm? So she could get up in the morning.

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What’s the best part about winning a gold medal? Nothing. You’re on acid and staring straight at the sun.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops