There once was a genie With a sevenfoot weenie And he went to the lady next door She thought it was a snake So she hit it with a rake And then he murdered the shit out of her.

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A man asked a friend at work if he could have $100, his friend replied "sure I'll give it to you when pigs fly", that man never received $100 dollars from his friend.

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Two parrots are in a cage. The one looks at the other one and says, "answer the phone," and the other one says, "where are my car keys."

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Two guys were sitting in a pub.

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Brett Farve

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What's the opposite of fly? To not fly

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Why did Justin Bieber smile in his mug shot? He did not understand the consequences of his horrible actions that could have killed many innocent men, woman, or children and, in jail, there could be very dangerous people living there.

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A dyslexic man walks into a bar He sits down and has some trouble reading the menu but orders a beer

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Aodhan Hearty

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how do you kill a rich blonde? give her black die

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What does a baseball and a T-Rex have in common? What? Neither of them is a carrot.

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Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs on your doorstep? A: Whatever his name is.

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Q; What smells like chicken, tastes like turkey and looks like duck? A; Nothing...dumbass.

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A cathlic priest walks into a bar, but realizes there are no young boys hr could pickup.

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How do you drown a blonde? Hold her head under water.

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Three soldiers, one Japanese, one American, and one Italian were stuck in a desert. How did they escape? A rescue squad of thirty trained troops came down in a helicopter and brought them each to their respective homes except the Italian who was actually a Mafia boss so they put him in prison.

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does your face hurt? yeah, neither does mine.

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did you ever see a butter fly?

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A man walks into a bar every night. He works there.

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What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas? Gloves.

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Billy was walking along the sidewalk. He strayed into someone's yard. He got run over by a lawnmower because he couldn't see with the frog he had stapled to his face.

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How many fingers am I holding up? None, my fingers were blown off by a hand grenade.

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whats funnier than the boy with no arms and legs getting cancer? lebron playing basketball

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Q: how do you spell apple without any letters? A: you can't.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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