How many fingers am I holding up? None, my fingers were blown off by a hand grenade.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the chicken cross the road? It was being chased by a predator and crossing the road led it away from it's pursuer.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the Scorpio say to the Aquarius? "How's Uranus? Ohhhhh!" The Aquarius replied: "I have maggots."

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Knock knock. Who's there? Jeff. Jeff who? Sh*t. Wrong house.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How can you tell if a duck is watching you? Look at its eyes

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What do you do when a girl you gave roofies to wakes up? Take your tongue out of her ass and run!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How do you escape from being enlisted in the army of your nation? Flee to a different country and bring along your valuables.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A black guy, mexican, and asian walk into a bar. They leave soon after because they heard the "one about them"

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 has psychotic tendencies.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What do you call a man with a convex isogonal nonprismatic head? Rhombicosidodecahedron head.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A Christian, a Jew, and a Hindu walked into a bar - guess what happened then? Well two of them are alcoholics so they wisely changed their minds and left, then the other one got bored so he left too.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What do you call an asian man driving a plane? Nothing, you cannot drive a plane you can only fly it

thumb_up thumb_down +1

This is a haiku The second line is longest Hippopotamus.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why was the farmer buried in a grave on the top of a hill? He had died and this would be his final resting place.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

The mets are 3-0 this season

thumb_up thumb_down -5

a little boy and a pedophile are walking in the woods. it is late at night and therefore very dark. the little boy turns to the pedophile.and says "gee mister, it sure is scary out here." the pedophile responds "yeah, and your'e going to get raped"

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What's funnier than 24? 25

thumb_up thumb_down -7

why did the boy poop his pants Yhe Holocaust

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the Jew pick up the penny? Because he dropped it

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Q: Why did the cookie go to the dentist? A: Because he was dying of brain cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Thumbs this up

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Situation. A man trying to find meaning in his life. Question. Why are desieses not colorful, and tasty. Answer. Adolf Hitler and his ice cream songs that he sings on sunday mornings during brunches.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Two oranges walking down the street, one says to the other, "Where do you live?". The other replies "I'm not telling you, you'll steel my washing"

thumb_up thumb_down -19

One day, a mother was talking with her three daughters. "Mommy," the first one asked, "Why did you name me Daisy?" "Because when we took you home, a daisy fell on your head." "Mommy," the second one said, "Why did you name me Rose?" "Because when we took you home, a rose fell on your head." ..."MMMBBWWAAAAAGGGHH!" the third daughter cried. She was born with severe cognitive damage and is incapable of coherent speech.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops