knock, knock no one answers man goes home and shots himself because he feels alone

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Once there was a baby ostrich name Bert. He was the cutest ostrich with those big black beady eyes, fuzzy feathers and funny wobbly baby ostrich walk. I knelt down and as Bert came running towards me as if I were his ostrich father about to protect him from something dangerous. As he got within arm’s reach I punched him so hard he turned into a baby kitten. I decided that Bert was an ...insufficient name for a baby kitten so I said to the purring ball of fuzz “I shall call you Turtle” a kitten named Turtle was a very hilarious conundrum. Things went well for an hour or two and then Turtle decided to pee on my tile floors which infuriated me because everyone knows that cat pee doesn’t come out of carpet! I decided to teach Turtle a football drill called kick the cuddly baby kitten so hard he turns into a koala bear. I sat Turtle on a football tee and suddenly our eyes met and he stared at me with the cutest face a kitten has ever made I took three steps back and turned back towards him. I stared into his big baby kitten eyes and then at a running sprint kicked him as hard as I could into the wall. There was a quiet sound like that of a space shuttle taking off into outer space. As I looked to see where my kick had sent Turtle soaring through the air, I found to my surprise, Turtle had turned into a cute cuddly baby raccoon. I walked across the room and scooped up the adorable baby raccoon. A raccoon named turtle was just too absurd so I decided to give the furry ball of warmth a new and more appropriate name. I stared into his cute raccoon eyes and declared aloud, “I shall call you Dorito!” I rocked Dorito calmly back and forth in my arms until he was fast asleep. A thought then entered my head, how funny would it be to put Dorito into a chip bag? I chuckled aloud and then decided my mind was set. I pulled a chip bag out of my backpack and carefully pulled the bag open and realized I’d been scammed! Inside the bag was a single Dorito chip. I then ate my Doritos.

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crips r blue bloodz r red choose crips nd thn ur dead (bloodz swoopp)

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Why do Jews have big noses? Because it is genetic.

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Q: What did the cop say to the deaf man? A: Nothing worth hearing about.

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What do you call a Black Comedian? Funny, You Racist.

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There once was a man from Nantucket who secluded himself from the outside world because of a tragic event that happened to him as a child.

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What has 4 eyes, but can't see? 2 blind people.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Commie. Commie who? Commie Johnson. We went to high school together.

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A black guy walks up to a drug dealer. He asked the drug dealer for directions and went on with his life.

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How do you check that you are not dreaming, but in actual fact, you are wide awake? Try to bite off our finger (this is actually possible, but the brain does not allow you to do it).

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Q: What's more gross than uncooked hamburgers? A: Afterbirth.

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I was walking on the beach when I heard a man yell "Help, Shark, Help!" and I laughed, because I knew the shark wasn't going to help him.

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Child Prostitution.

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a woman asked her husband, why havent you been talking to me? the man answers, you are having an affair so i ignored you and only talked to the girl im cheating on you with. you should know your a horrible person

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A man from florida and a woman from florida go to a restaurant, which isnt very popular.

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What's worse than losing your job? 9/11

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What does the time bomb say to the idiot? Nothing, time bombs are inanimate objects and therefore can't speak.

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Whats worse than a dead baby? 6 million dead Jews.

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A black man walks into a bar, to get a drink.

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how do u unload the dishwasher? u take the dishes out!

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What's green and wheels? Your mom.

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What do you call a black guy driving a plane? A pilot.

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Wher did suzy go after the explosion? everywhere

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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