A man walks into a bar and only gets a glass of water due to the fact that he is a recovering alcoholic.

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how do u unload the dishwasher? u take the dishes out!

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Military intelligence.

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What's brown and sticky? A stick.

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I once bought a pack of batteries but they weren't included.

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I like to eat.

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Jim and Larry work together. Jim works hard, and Larry is a bit of a prankster. One day, Jim is having a rather rough day, and Larry looks to cheer him up with a good-natured joke. Knowing that Jim's wife prepares dinner for him every night of the week, he calls her and tells her that their boss has decided to pay for a dinner out, that she should take the day off and just get ready for Jim to come home and pick her up. Larry will later follow up by calling a pizza delivery place and having them send a special no hard feeling message with two large delicious pizzas. He forgets to call the pizza delivery man until later that night, after which it's too late and he thinks "I'll just explain the joke to Jim tomorrow." And goes peacefully to sleep. Arriving home and finding that dinner is not prepared, Jim savagely beats his wife.

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Your mom is so fat, she has sleep apnea.

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So I went to the airport the other day, and the new TSA regulations are very strict.

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What do you call a man which busts ghosts A ghostbuster. Duh

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What did the penguin say to the polar bear? Nothing because they are on opposite sides of the earth

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Why did Michael Jackson like 24 year olds? Because they are apart of humanity and he had no reason to dislike them.

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Q:What happens to an elephant if he falls from a building with 10 floors? A:He dies

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why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side why didnt the chicken cross back? for the first time in his life, Clucky the chicken, felt liberated. his cruel life flashed before his eyes, forcing him to remember all the bad tines he had spent on the McKinley farm. all the eggs stolen from him, watching all his friends being taken for slaughter. it all came back. from the other side of the road, Clucky saw a place he never wanted to go back to, a place he wanted to forget. the day he chose not to cross back was the first real day in Clucky's life.

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Kenny G

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What does a baseball and a T-Rex have in common? What? Neither of them is a carrot.

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What's a Mexican who walks down the street called? A pedestrian.

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How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None

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My mother got hammered last night. We cried at her funeral.

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What Do You Call A Japanese Man Humming Classicle Music While Removing Toy Soldiors From His Ear With His Foot Jumping Up And Down On A Large Elephant Strutting About The Universe? Strange.

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Hahahahahhaha...................................black people

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What did the man say to hitler? hi hitler.

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What did the mother give her family for christmas? Nothing. The family is Jewish.

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Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs on your doorstep? A: Whatever his name is.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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