Want to hear a joke? Womens rights

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why did my girlfriend fail her test? she was pregnant :'(

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What is black blue and screaming? Your daughter when i kicked the shit out of her

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Have you heard the one about the drunk cleaning lady? I haven't either but I bet it is good. That is a pretty good premise for a joke.

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What's sweaty, fat, and Italian? Italians

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How do u save someone from dieing of cancer? U shoot them in the head

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Jesus the comedy skits: 1. Jesus just hanging around on a sunny day getting a bit philosophical... Jesus hanging on the cross screaming towards the sky: "FATHER WHYY!?" God: *Giant thunderbolt across the sky as a giant storm begins, it rains whirlwinds etc supposedly worst storm since Noah`s ark according to The History Network* Wet,cold Jesus with ringing ears: *Gurgle* *spits* ... WTF kinda answer is that? Could you not just have said because I work in mysterious ways or something equally stupid? TRUE fact: "then the lordeth sent forth a hailstorm of epic propotions in order to silence all of his insolent children, this was before the burning ashes and the sharp nails of course" -History channel 2. Jesus The wiseguy eh? Jesus being wise: "Only he that hates his mother and father can become my a student of mine" "And as thus God commanded that a single spiky cross with his son`s measurements where made, when Peter asked oh why lordy lordeth? God responded: Because of sin" and all was good" "Then Peter asked Goddeth, oh lawdy lawd, what is sin? God replied: Something original now shaddap!, and all was good?" 3. Brokeback Jesus fact: The bible does not use the word Donkey. "Jesus, why doest thou enter thy neigbors home and ride upon his large ass?" Jesus the psychic: "I shallt just ride upon his ass for a few hours, then God shall take ride his ass back", Ugh, I just got the feeling this is going to sound total Ass in the future... Who is quoting us by the way? -History channel. 4. Jesus the: Dumbass moments extended "Then Jesus touched upon the fig tree that denied him figs that WINTER, later the fig tree was dead for its lazyness" (real if not correctly quoted Jesus fact Kay?) Fact: Fig trees dont exactly look alive during winters, besides no trees give fruit during winter. "Then Jesus proceeded to demand eggs from a rooster, which he killed for the roosters lazyness" "Then Jesus proceeded to milk a bull and..." 5. Real story that does not quite make sense to me. Some blind guy was possessed by Legion, when they (WE ARE LEGION aka bunch of demons) saw Jesus they begged him not to kill them, as they would face God`s wrath. Jesus seemingly spared their life by putting Legion`s into several pigs... Which ran off and drowned themselves in the nearby river. ...Why did they suicide? Was it so humiliating going from a blind old man, towards pigs that they literally drowned themselves (one of the more painful deaths there are) and then probably faced da lawds wrath anyways?

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How do you stop a bus? Put the brakes on.

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A duck walked up to a bad hearing drug dealer, and dealer asked duck, "What you do want?" A duck said, "Quack!" So dealer gave duck a crack

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So this guy and his monkey walk into a bar, I forget the rest of the joke but your mothers a whore.

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If shes old enough to count..... Then having sex with her would be considered illegal.

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knock, knock no one answers man goes home and shots himself because he feels alone

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Q: What did the cop say to the deaf man? A: Nothing worth hearing about.

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Jack and Jill went down the hill. And were lost and burnt in hell.

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Why do firemen wear red suspenders? To keep their pants up

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What has 4 eyes, but can't see? 2 blind people.

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Knock knock. Whos there? To get to the other side.

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A rat scurries into a bar. Six days later, all of the people in that bar die of bubonic plague.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house?  No Neither has he

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A guy walks into a bar. He order three drinks and hands them to the lady behind him. It's because she is an alcoholic.

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How do you keep a dog from chasing it's tail? cut off it's legs.

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What has two wings and a halo? A chinese phone. WING WING HALO?

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How did sally fall off the swings? she had no arms. Knock knock, who is there? Not sally.

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How is Stevie Wonder like Ray Charles? They are both talented musicians

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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