What is yellow and sleeps alone? Yoko Ono.

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whats the same about a turtle and another turtle? they both seem to like lettuce

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Q: How do you stop a baby from spinning in circles? A: Nail his other hand to the floor

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Your Momma’s muscle to fat ratio can only be explained in irrational complex numbers.

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What's worse than being human? Nothing... No I literally mean nothing at all. Like not being anything?

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue It is Valentines Day So I had to get them for you or we would get into a big fight, which will end up with me on the couch.

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Roses are red Bacon is also red Poems are hard Bacon

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How does a blonde get pregnant? (I don't know) And you thought blondes were dumb.

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knock, knock no one answers man goes home and shots himself because he feels alone

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a priest, a bishop and a cardinal walk into bar to hand out pamphlets about alcoholism

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A man was drowning in a lake and so he asked God to save him. A man on a boat came by and said to the drowning man "Do you need any help?" The drowning man said "Yes! Thank God a boat came for me!" So the man on the boat pulled the man from the water and saved him.

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A blond, a brunette and a redhead are all trapped on a desert island. They work together and manage to survive until help arrives.

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A black man is playing guitar for a white man and a chinese man. After he is finished playing the white man and chinese man compliment him on his nice playing.

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There once was a man from Nantucket who secluded himself from the outside world because of a tragic event that happened to him as a child.

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A black guy walks up to a drug dealer. He asked the drug dealer for directions and went on with his life.

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what did the clinically depressed man last post on twitter? "Oh cruel world, i finally lost all faith in the good of humanity. I am unloved and irrelevant to all. I know nobody will miss me, but goodbye anyway. #suicide " nobody followed him and saw the post and he died alone with nobody at his funeral.

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Why did Hitler cross the road? To get to the other side.

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What has two wings and a halo? A chinese phone. WING WING HALO?

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How do you wake Lady GaGa up? set her alarm for a reasonable hour.

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I like to eat.

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How do you confuse a blond? Ask her to solve ( [3x - 3x^2 +1]^744 ) x ( [- 3x + 3x^2 +1]^745 )

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What do you get when you put a dead baby and some nails in a blender? A dead baby and some nails

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Why do Chinese people smell? Because of their ethnicity...plus, they smell.

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You're an Irish male that walks into a bar full of Mexicans. Upon entering you are approached by two topless women. ....You realize you have been coming to the same sleazy strip club on the edge of town every night after work for the past few years. After seeing that you have gradually become completely bald and neglect your two children and wife, you recognize your extreme depression. Strippers now see you as a consistent, "paying customer" and you proceed seek psychiatric care, while being prescribed anti-depressants. The Mexicans at the bar are hard working, tax-paying citizens that would like to provide an education for their children.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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