Can you get me a stapler,but make sure it has staples or else I won't be able to staple anything

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A homeless guy walked up to me and said "Any change?", to which I replied, "Nope, your still homeless". We laughed and laughed. The he stabbed me.

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A bar walks into Chuck Norris.

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WHat is funnier than a baby swimming. - A baby drowing.!

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What's the worst part about eating a vegetable? Putting her back in the wheel chair.

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Your mother is so large she finds it difficult to fit into regular sized clothing

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roses are red violets are blue i'm a schizophrenic and so am i

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What does the homosexual arab who plays football who has a best friend called Dave enjoy doing? Playing football.

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Roses are red violets are blue I'm gonna rape you with a stick

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What did one lawyer say to the other? Hello

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Why did the squirrel cross the road? it was stapled to the chicken

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What do you get when you see a black man writing? A man devoted to getting a education.

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How did the Muslim pilot die? He had a fatal heart attack while flying over the Atlantic and as a result the 300 passengers died by drowning.

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Why did the airplane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread

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I was sitting in traffic the other day. I was runover.

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How many politicians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Ten. One to actually screw it in, and nine to stand around and say, "I can do it better."

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How do you make a person cry? You bury them alive.

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When SCUBA diving, why is it important to fall backward off the side of the boat? Because if you fell forward, you would still be in the boat.

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Knock, knock. Who's there? "Dwane!" I don't know any Dwane. Perhaps you have the wrong address. "Oh. Sorry to have bothered you!"

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Text this number just cuz 16305208722

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Why did the road cross the chicken? Well, according to Einstein's Theory of Special Relativity, if you and the chicken were to cross the road simultaneously, your perspective, relative to the chicken, would remain unchanged. Therefore, the road would appear to move underneath the chicken, which would seem to be performing some style of polka dance.

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How did the clown get the baby to stop crying? He hit it with an axe.

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Texter 1: Hey, do you want to hang out? Texter 2: Sorry dude, i lost my phone, i'm trying to find it Texter 1: Ok, text me when you find it Texter 2: OK

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1,000 americans jump off a plane. They all die as a result of not having parachutes.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops