How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family

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Knock Knock. Doors open

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A blonde, a brunette, and a red head walk into a bar. You think they should have ducked?

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"Knock-knock." "Come in, sorry that the doorbell is broken."

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Q; why did the German ask the Jew to go in his shower? A; because the Jew had stayed the night at the Germans house.

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A friend of mine said; the only vegetables that makes you cry are oignons. that was before I hit him with a watermelon

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i put a oie in the oven, it baked

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roses are red violets are blue i have Alzheimer whats a rose?

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A muslim walks out of a plane.

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Why did the boy fall off the bike? Because he was a paraplegic.

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I'm trying to find out how many people in the world have Alzheimers, do you? No. Bananas.

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- Why does a kid from Chernobyl have two heads? - Because of the effects of the nuclear disaster that occurred there in 1986.

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Why did the really unfunny man buy AntiJoke The Book??? It was a good deal and only $9.99.

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Why did Little Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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What did the cat say when it was hungry? Meow.

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My Jimmy Saville advent calendar is rubbish. It only opens from 1 to 16.

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What is brown and sticky?… A shit…

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I know how to make a brilliant telescope out of an empty jar, some leather, a string and a brilliant telescope.

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Knock Knock. Who's There? Look through your peephole, you lazy bastard.

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There was a boy named Steven, a son of a rich business man. Steven was an interesting child though, as he always kept care to one of his possessions. That possession being a plain, old, brown box. On Steven's fourth birthday his father said he could have anything in the world he wanted, just name it. Steven said he wanted two quarters to put in his box. The father agreed and gave his son two quarters to put in his box. Every year the father would say he could have anything he wished for, and Steven just asked for two quarters. Nothing more. On Steven's 18th birthday he got into a severe car crash. The father stood over the hospital bed where Steven lay. "I can get you the best doctors in the world. They can save you, please let me get you this for your birthday!" The boy shook his head. "All I want is two quarters" Steven replied. The father was distraught. "Son, tell me why you've wanted these two quarters every year you have been alive instead of anything else in the world". The boy complied. "Fine I'll tell you." Then Steven died before he could tell the father. The End.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? One is a human being belonging to a particular religious minority and the other is a delicious Italian food favoured by English speaking western cultures. The problem with this anti-joke is that the facts are not correct, pizza was originally invented and China; however,it looked quite different then what might be considered pizza by our standards, when pizza was brought to Italy it was improved to make what we now consider pizza in modern times. While some people may consider pizza an Italian food, this would be failing to give credit to the Chinese who invented it.

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Why cant Sally ride her bike? Because she has ceribal pausly

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hi little boy you want some candy i dont know do you want some candy you creeper

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Wow you look beautiful in that picture..... Let me see your tits. Sorry, I thought I was still texting.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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