A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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What do you call a man with a knife in his back? An ambulance

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What do you call Madeline McCann at the bottom of the sea? Drowned Madeline McCann.

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A rabi a priest and a gay guy are praying. The rabi says amen the priest says amen the gay guy says ahh men.

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What was the last thing to go through Kurt Cobain's mind? His teeth.

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lil billy wuz killed cuz of hiz relijuz beliefz

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HAVE A GOOD DAY. DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.

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What do you get when you cross a Minotaur with a snowman? A cold mythological creature.

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What state is high in the middle and round on both ends? Onorth Chiarolinao

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Why did Little Timmy eat Smarties before school? Because he was hungry.

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Why was Jimmy so upset? Because both of his parents died.

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Roses are red violets are blue i have aids and now so do you

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know you have to ask the chicken if you speak chicken

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Whats brown and sticky? A antelope.

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a jew, a muslim and a christian all walk into a bar; because of the difference in religion im afraid such an event is unlikely to occur in the future.

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A: Can I get a tall white Russian. B: No. A: Why not? B: Because this is a Barnes and Nobles. However, we do have a Starbucks, and I can offer you a venti caramel iced coffee"

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WARNING: this is a black joke Why does everybody hate darth vader? he is all black

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Why did Gina laugh? Because something was funny.

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What do you call 10 dead babies in a blender? A horrible, horrible child abuse incident.

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Your momma is so fat, she should be concerned about her increased risk if a heart attack because of her poor eating habits.

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Why is Lindsay Lohan out of prison? No, I'm asking.

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Why did the woman not wear a bra? Because she had breast cancer and got a double mastectomy.

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a rabbi and a priest walk into a wall

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why did suzie fall of the swings? because she had no arms.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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