How much does a polar bear weigh? It depends, but most weigh around 775 to 1,200 pounds.

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Why did Maggie shit herself? Because she saw her son.

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Who would win, Chuck Norris or a T-Rex? The T-Rex, Chuck Norris would get ripped apart like any other human-being.

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What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a tree There isn't a tree in my garage

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A man dressed as a woman gets hit in the nuts they fall to the ground in pain

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what's worse than finding 8 dead babies in 1 trash can?....... 1 dead baby in 8 trash cans.

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What is worse than a bee sting? Two bee stings.

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Stephen Hawking is so paranoid, always looking over his shoulder.

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Q: Why was the man wet? A: I push him in a pool.

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Bill: Wanna know the difference between knowledge and wisdom? Joe: Sure Bill: Knowledge is knowing that an apple is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.

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Wuy are Kenyans so fast? Because due to variations in evolution, people from that part of the world have a better muscle build to run at higher speeds than equally trained athletes from other parts of the world.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a bigger worm in your apple.

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salad days!

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Q: What do you call a Jew in space? A: An astronaut you racist bastard!

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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What's the difference between a Mexican and a bench? Almost everything.

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Daughter: Mom can i watch a movie? Mom: Sure. Daughter: Thanks mom! You're the best mom in the world! Well....Mary is, since she had Jesus.....But anyway. Thanks!

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In soviet Russia...things are different

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If I could slow down time I would have become a super criminal or something, no, my movements become slower also, ever heard of a game Max Payne? The character can slow down his perception of time and still aim his gun normally while he himself moving at the same speed as the rest. I well... when time seems to go slower, my thoughts do not, so yeaaah, Except my fast reactions also make me wear myself out faster to the point where I got injured a lot as a kid, like smacking my wrist against arcade games and stuff, broke my wrist, as a teen, still hurts when it rains, yeah weird but true.

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Santa Claus and eight reindeers walk into a bar. “Hey, fatty,” the barman shouts. “Where’s Rudolph?” “He’s dead,” Santa replied. “I’m sorry to hear that,” the barman said, looking embarrassed. “Let me get you a drink.”

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Why weren't u sad when your sister died? You lived in a hut and were supplied with food for a week

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Why did the turtle fall out of the car? It forgot to buckle up

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how many milkshakes does it take to bring all the boys to the yard?

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Yo Mama so stupid she thought "Dunkin Doughnuts" was a basketball team.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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