What do you call it when you take cheese that isn't yours? Stolen bitch, your under-arrest!

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When life gives you lemons, you are most likely in the fruit section of the grocery store.

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Before Marriage: Boy: Ah at last. I can hardly wait. Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No don't even think about it. Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of Course. Always have and always will. Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: Never. Why are you even asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get. Girl: Will you hit me? Boy: Hell no. Are you crazy? Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yes. Girl: Darling! After Marriage: (Read from bottom to top)

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Frontbut-

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck had AIDS?

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A very nervous looking black man walks into a bar full of white people, however, the white people are accepting of all races, so they invite him to sit next to them.

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Why did the old man throw the clock out the window? Because he didn't want to go to a store that could repair it, so then he thought that it was better off on his yard where it could compost.

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A man walks into a bar. He buys something.

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One day a terribly epileptic child is put on on a strict Atkins diet by his loving mother. A week later he finds that the frequency and intensity of his seizures have been reduced by its ketogenic effects, which provides exogenous fats for the body to burn, but limits the available carbohydrate so that ketone bodies build up. It is the high level of these ketones which appear to suppress seizures.

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Q: Why didn't i save my work? A: Because i didn't do any work?

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A man walked into a pub, and enjoys of a couple off pints. Some time later he loudly asks the gentleman next to him: Do you know about this thing called Fightclub?... The bartender had to call an ambulance, you don't talk about fightclub

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Whats the differnce betwwen a Wheelbarrow and a sack of dead babies The wheelbarrow is not in my garage

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Knock knock Who's there? Guess who. You have 4 options: A. Jeremy Stevens B. Donald Jefferson C. Richard Gillespie D. Paul Faggot Um A? Nope, the correct answer is D. Paul Faggot Oh hi Paul, come in.

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A man is at the dentists. The dentists says, "Oh my, your teeth are terrible!" The man says, "Yes I know. I am addicted to Meth".

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What's the difference between a horse and a chicken? They're different species and also the chicken is female, while the horse I was referring to is male.

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A black man walks into a bank with a gun. He then clocks in and takes duty because he is a security guard at the bank.

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What do you call someone who is bad at hand eye co-ordination? Dispraxic

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13 =B you just learned something

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Jemal picks 3 apples. He eats two of them, and then picks 3 more. What color was Jamal?

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What's more boring than watching grass grow? Watching grass not grow.

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What's worse than stepping in tar? Getting your face ripped off by a man sized Tarantula

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What's the difference between a baby and my trampoline? I take my boots off before i jump on my trampoline. . .

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ACT 2 CHAPTER 4 GEARS OF WAR 3 TICKER EASTER EGG.... MICHAEL VICKS HOUSE

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Mother: "George what happenend to your pet rock?" George:"I dont know." Mother:"Here! I found your pet rock. It was in the same place it was before!"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops