I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.

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roses are red, violets are blue, if you want to success, stop being a mess..

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A Jew, a Catholic, and a Muslim walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What'll you have?" The Jew says, "I'll have a whiskey straight." The Catholic says, "I'll have a vodka tonic." The Muslim says, "I can't drink it's against my religion and I really shouldn't be here."

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people who spank you sure are a pain in the ass.

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Why was the baby crying? Because he was tied to a railroad track. How did the baby die? He had a bomb strapped to him. How did the bomb explode? It got ran over by a train.

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What do you call a person with an eye patch, no arms, and a mohawk? A person with an eye patch, no arms, and a mohawk.

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Why was the nympho sweating in the park? Because they were having sex on the bench.

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What do you call the offspring of a gerbil and a hamster? Whatever you want.

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what did the man say to the doctor? how the hell would i know, ask him yourself.

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Why doesn't Julius Caesar ever use a cell phone? Because he died in 44 BC.

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Today I wanted to make world peace.... So I killed everyone.

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There were three men walking across the road and it started to rain

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There are two jews in an oven. One says "It sure is hot in here" and the other says "AHH A TALKING JEW"

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Where's the soap?

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Doctor Doctor! I think im turning into a carrot! Thats a side effect of the drugs Alice, We've just had your test results back. I'm sorry Alice, You've got HIV.

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Montague goes to the alcoholics meeting and says "Hello I'm Montague and I am an alcoholic" Evreyone points at him and chants "LOSER!, LOSER!, LOSER!, LOSER!" Montague is appaled, he expected to be welcomed with sympathy and respect. Then he realises his mistake. He has walked into meeting with a bottle of whisky and is wearing a Justin Beiber T Shirt

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Whats faster than a black guy with a tv? His brother who is a dentist and drives a fast sports car.

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Yo mamas so poor, she should probably find a source of consistent payment to support herself.

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Whats long and hard? a baseball bat

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What do you call an art history major with a job? A gainfully employed member of society, who assuredly benefited from his access to higher education (and quite possibly from acquaintances or family members within the company that employs him, though it is often considered impolite to mention this latter fact, as it may be construed to denigrate the aforementioned individual or his chosen field of study).

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im a policeman the car infront of me had a foot hanging out of the trunk. i pulled him over. i closed the trunk and proceeded to inform him of the dangers of open trunks.

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How can you ruin someone's day? Tell them their mother has cancer. No really, I found out my mom has cancer a week ago.

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A man walks into a bar and sees that the pianist is just twelve inches tall. He asks the bartender, ''How come you have a 12-inch pianist?'' The bartender replies, ''We have a genie in the back room. He'll answer all your wishes, but be careful, because he has a little trouble hearing.'' The man walks into the back room and asks the genie for a million bucks. The genie then gives him a million ducks. The man comes out and tells the bartender that the genie misheard his wish. The bartender says, ''Come on, now! Do you really think I asked for a 12-inch pianist?!''

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guess what? bannanas

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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