How do you get a guitar player to play softer? Ask them politely to turn down their volume.

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A man goes into a store to buy some bread, He asks a woman behind the counter for help. She says " We have white, wheat, or rye. What kind would you like?" . To which the man replies, " It does not matter, I rode my bicycle.

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What did the white person say to the black person? Nothing, the black person was sleeping.

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Person 1: Your Ugly Person 2: Your mom's ugly

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if life gives you lemons, make lemonade. unless you only get one lemon, then it really hard to make a good glass..and for that matter, who said you had a juicer? it would be really hard to just squeeze the juice out of a lemon. on top of that, what kind of situation am I in that I would need lemonade? let's say if life gives you lemons, determine the best use of them based on need, local weather and economic status

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What do you call a old guy watching little kids in a pool? a life guard

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Roses are red violets are next thing you know my D*** is in you

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What's worse than being human? Nothing... No I literally mean nothing at all. Like not being anything?

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if this joke was a potato, it would be a good potato

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A blond, a brunette and a redhead are all trapped on a desert island. They work together and manage to survive until help arrives.

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crips r blue bloodz r red choose crips nd thn ur dead (bloodz swoopp)

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What's a four letter word that ends with "rape"? Stop.

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Every 60 seconds in Africa. A minute passes.

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Your mother is so fat, that she's working really hard to get back in shape so that she can support her family.

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A baby seal walks in to a club

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1+1= 69

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youre gay

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Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? he was epileptic

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What's worse than forgetting how to spell? asghasonbma.

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whats the difference between a pizza and a jew -a pizza is food

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A black guy walks up to a drug dealer. He asked the drug dealer for directions and went on with his life.

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Q: What do you call a unicorn on a mountain? A: Freaking sick.

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall. First of all, babies do not have the physical ability or the mental capacity to ever paint a wall, no matter how many of them there are. Second of all, they are dead which probably will not increase their chances of painting said wall.

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Child Prostitution.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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