Liars go to hell! -God

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A moth walks into a podiatrist's office. The podiatrist says, "Moth, what's the problem?" And the moth says, "What's the problem. Well, doc, where do I begin? Every day I get up to another cruel sky. It's like the sun is mocking me as I begin the gruelling preparations for another 8-hours of slogging in meaningless toil for my boss, Gregor McIvanichisky. A grey self, captive in a grey cubicle in a grey office with no windows that I might see the grey clouds beyond... I just sit in my cubicle as I feel the throbbing ache of the best days of my life being raped away into a monotonous, forgettable slurry of irrelevant corporate drudgery. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't think my boss even knows. All he knows is that he has power over me. And my children...my daughter is always on her cellphone, texting and emailing. I haven't spoken real words to her in weeks. My oldest son is never home and when he is, he's locked in his room listening to angry music. My youngest son, he's only 4, I look at him and he asks me to play... and I feel nothing. No love, no tenderness... just a void. And when I look in the mirror...I don't recognize the face staring back at me. It's aged so much from the boyish looks I remember. The years have carved deep lines of despair, worry and anguish. Dark, hollow eyes where once gleamed hope and excitement. Thin lips unable to find the smile of the happy, old days. If only I could find the courage to reach over to the side table and remove the loaded gun. And then find the strength to pull back that hammer as the chamber rotates, clicking solidly into place...Raising it to my temple for the final squeeze that will erase the last shreds of my existence from this cold grave of a life wasted away." And the podiatrist says, "Well, Moth, you're in pretty rough shape. You need to get some help. But why did you come to me? You need a psychiatrist!!" And the moth says... "Because the light was on."

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What did the businessman at work do when he found out his wife was cheating on him? He stayed in his cubicle and continued to work, because he was a diligent, hard-working man.

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What is worse then failing a test? Cancer

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What happens in the end of the original "Pinocchio" Italian fairy tale? He is hanged.

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Why did Sally go to McDonalds? Because she felt like it

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What's worse than a male chauvinist pig? A woman that won't do what she's told.

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Guess what? Chicken butt

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Why was the clown murdered? Because it laughed at my cousin so he ran right into the icicle 10 times to the heart

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A man saw a dinosaur. He probably watched it on the television because dinosaurs have been extingt for a very long time.

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This is not a joke.

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-Why Peter is going to mall for buying some beer? -Because he was 18 and he was able to do it.

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What do you call a person falling off a cliff Dead

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What happened when a fish rode a bike? It fell off and injured itself.

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What's worse than forgetting how to spell? asghasonbma.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread. Why did the car crash? Because the driver was a loaf of bread. Why did the boat sink? Because the pirates attacked.

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What is a terrible tragedy and wears ice skates? Holocaust; The musical on ice

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A man walks into a bar. He's blind.

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what is the square root of pi? crust^2 + Cool Whip

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What do you call Morgan Freeman on a bad day? Samuel L. Jackson.

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Why don't seagulls live in the bay? Because then they'd be bagels

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What did the blind, deaf and mute girl get for christmas? Cancer.

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why do women have small feet. so they can stand closer to the sink

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what's worse than two dead babies? three dead babies.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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