A man and his son are in a store, the man says to his son, "That candy bar has your name on it." The son replies, "I wish that you didn't name me Butterfingers." The dad answers, "I wish that you were never born."

thumb_up thumb_down +13

what do you call 4 terrorists going off a cliff in a car? A waist because you can fit 2 more in the trunk.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

knock knock. who's there greench greench who greenchicken feathers

thumb_up thumb_down +11

how many letters are in Montana? 7 yes

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Q: What did the man say to the sexy female nurse with long hair and big breasts? A: I have diarrhea.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Jews for Jesus

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A dyslexic man walked into a bar. Even though he couldn't read the sign, it was still a bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Oceanic flight 815 crashes on an island and the survivors are stranded. They all die of starvation and dehydration within a week.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

How do you drown a blonde? Hold their head under water.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do you call a women out of the Kitchen? Nothing because they shouldn't be

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why do mermaids where seashells on their breasts? They don't wear anything because mermaids don't exist.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you call a 30 year old man with a large white van full of kids? A parent carpooling to the soccer game.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did the blonde do when she found out one is most likely to get in a car accident within 6 miles of the home? She drove more carefully in her neighborhood.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

whats green white black red and can fly? nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q: What did the hobo get for Christmas? A: Hypothermia.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How do you act when you discover that the 'Submit' button doesn't work? Wait for a while until the problem fixes itself and you are able to perform the desired function.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Knock Knock Come in.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Is your refrigerator running? No. Oh perfect, I'm a refrigerator repairman, I'll be right over.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

How did the blonde die? She got slurped up by a 1,000-foot anteater. How did the 1,000-foot anteater die? He got slurped up a 10,000 foot anteatereater. How did the 10,000 foot anteatereater die? It doesn't matter. The Earth just got slurped up by a one-trillion-foot planeteater.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why couldn't Helen Keller read? She was blind

thumb_up thumb_down -3

PEN15 IF U R SMART U WILL UNDERSTAND THIS

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A moth walks into a podiatrist's office. The podiatrist says, "Moth, what's the problem?" And the moth says, "What's the problem. Well, doc, where do I begin? Every day I get up to another cruel sky. It's like the sun is mocking me as I begin the gruelling preparations for another 8-hours of slogging in meaningless toil for my boss, Gregor McIvanichisky. A grey self, captive in a grey cubicle in a grey office with no windows that I might see the grey clouds beyond... I just sit in my cubicle as I feel the throbbing ache of the best days of my life being raped away into a monotonous, forgettable slurry of irrelevant corporate drudgery. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't think my boss even knows. All he knows is that he has power over me. And my children...my daughter is always on her cellphone, texting and emailing. I haven't spoken real words to her in weeks. My oldest son is never home and when he is, he's locked in his room listening to angry music. My youngest son, he's only 4, I look at him and he asks me to play... and I feel nothing. No love, no tenderness... just a void. And when I look in the mirror...I don't recognize the face staring back at me. It's aged so much from the boyish looks I remember. The years have carved deep lines of despair, worry and anguish. Dark, hollow eyes where once gleamed hope and excitement. Thin lips unable to find the smile of the happy, old days. If only I could find the courage to reach over to the side table and remove the loaded gun. And then find the strength to pull back that hammer as the chamber rotates, clicking solidly into place...Raising it to my temple for the final squeeze that will erase the last shreds of my existence from this cold grave of a life wasted away." And the podiatrist says, "Well, Moth, you're in pretty rough shape. You need to get some help. But why did you come to me? You need a psychiatrist!!" And the moth says... "Because the light was on."

thumb_up thumb_down -7

how do you stop a train? you cant..

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What did the unintelligent sports jock say to the band geek. Hey.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops