Why was the Asian man told to open his eyes? He was sleeping.

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A kid is riding down the street when his chain pops off his bicycle. The kid yells "God damn!" as he begins to fix it. A priest walking nearby overhears the boy taking god's name in vein and says "Don't say 'God damn' say 'God help us'". The kid says, "I am an atheist, get away from me".

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A man walks into a room with a sly grin on his face, "Tom, have I got a joke to tell YOU!" Tom hurriedly shoos Susie into her bedroom and tells her to lock the door and not open it no matter what. Tom turns to the man, "I've told you twice before to never come back here, I'm beginning to think that you probably don't take what I say very seriously because you might have some sort of chemical imbalance or something in your head, or maybe you're obsessed with my family or something!" The man hangs his head in shame and agrees with Tom, but Tom still had to do something about the intruder so he called the cops. The cops took him to get psychologically analyzed, but Tom didn't know this because he only cared that his daughter Susie was safe and he also doesn't have access to the testing facility's records. Tom is an only father.

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A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.

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What do you call a person falling off a cliff Dead

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An Amish walks into Best Buy

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Why couldn't the man walk? He didn't have any legs.

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What's the difference between a black person and a white person? They have different skin tones.

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What did the baby said to her mother? Nothing because she aborted him

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Tim: Jason, your dumb Jason: No I'm not.

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Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Boy, it's hot in here!" The second muffin replies, "Yes, I'm in a lot of pain. Also, I've had a headache for quite a while now. I went to the doctor last Thursday and he preformed an X-ray but the results are not back yet. This extreme heat is likely worsening my already fragile physical health."

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 is a pedophile.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn't say mustache? ...No. I wish you had said mustache.

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Yo Momma's sooo fat that the speed of light at her surface exceeds 3*10^8 m/s.

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Why don't seagulls live in the bay? Because then they'd be bagels

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Who's better than badboy? The holocaust.

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What's black and white and red all over? A Giant Panda that has been killed by poachers.

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What is worse than a worm in your apple? The holocaust

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Why did Johnny fall off his bike? He was shot.

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If Life gives you melons, then I think your dislexic

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What did the lion say the the zebra? Nothing. Lions do not have the ability to speak and therefore could not make conversation with said zebra, hunted it down, killed it, and shared it with his pride of 27.

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whens your birthday? July 16th What year? Every year

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how do you make a plumber cry? you hit him in the face

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ha do call a by with red heir a freckles? ginger

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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