- Anti Joke

One man's junk is another man's pleasure.

Yo Mama's so fat, she weighs more than an electron.

What happens when you touch a curling iron to your arm? You get burned.

What's brown and sticky? Brown paint.

Why did the woman die Because she was old

Why was the farmer buried in a grave on the top of a hill? He had died and this would be his final resting place.

Whats the difference between two flies? Nothing, they're both flies.

Knock Knock Come in.

Whats worse then nailing ten babies to a tree? Nailing one dead baby to ten trees.

A moth walks into a podiatrist's office. The podiatrist says, "Moth, what's the problem?" And the moth says, "What's the problem. Well, doc, where do I begin? Every day I get up to another cruel sky. It's like the sun is mocking me as I begin the gruelling preparations for another 8-hours of slogging in meaningless toil for my boss, Gregor McIvanichisky. A grey self, captive in a grey cubicle in a grey office with no windows that I might see the grey clouds beyond... I just sit in my cubicle as I feel the throbbing ache of the best days of my life being raped away into a monotonous, forgettable slurry of irrelevant corporate drudgery. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't think my boss even knows. All he knows is that he has power over me. And my children...my daughter is always on her cellphone, texting and emailing. I haven't spoken real words to her in weeks. My oldest son is never home and when he is, he's locked in his room listening to angry music. My youngest son, he's only 4, I look at him and he asks me to play... and I feel nothing. No love, no tenderness... just a void. And when I look in the mirror...I don't recognize the face staring back at me. It's aged so much from the boyish looks I remember. The years have carved deep lines of despair, worry and anguish. Dark, hollow eyes where once gleamed hope and excitement. Thin lips unable to find the smile of the happy, old days. If only I could find the courage to reach over to the side table and remove the loaded gun. And then find the strength to pull back that hammer as the chamber rotates, clicking solidly into place...Raising it to my temple for the final squeeze that will erase the last shreds of my existence from this cold grave of a life wasted away." And the podiatrist says, "Well, Moth, you're in pretty rough shape. You need to get some help. But why did you come to me? You need a psychiatrist!!" And the moth says... "Because the light was on."

whats the difference between a ferrari and a pile of dead babies? i dont have a ferrari in my garage

What's worse than a worm in your apple? An apple in your anti-joke

Why did Sally go to McDonalds? Because she felt like it

Jonathan is like a btterfly. They're both asianu

What do you call a old guy watching little kids in a pool? a life guard

What do you call a Jew picking up a quarter? Whatever his name is?

Who looks like Zach Efron? Shrek.

why did the black man eat two buckets of fried chicken? because he was hungry and he likes fried chicken

A man saw a dinosaur. He probably watched it on the television because dinosaurs have been extingt for a very long time.

Why was the clown murdered? Because it laughed at my cousin so he ran right into the icicle 10 times to the heart

Why does Santa go through the chimmney? He's to lazy to use the door.

Two ducks are in a pond. The one duck asks, "Can you pass the soap?" The other duck says, "What do I look like, a typewriter?"

What do you think about whats happening in the middle east right now? You're an idiot.

A man walks into a room with a sly grin on his face, "Tom, have I got a joke to tell YOU!" Tom hurriedly shoos Susie into her bedroom and tells her to lock the door and not open it no matter what. Tom turns to the man, "I've told you twice before to never come back here, I'm beginning to think that you probably don't take what I say very seriously because you might have some sort of chemical imbalance or something in your head, or maybe you're obsessed with my family or something!" The man hangs his head in shame and agrees with Tom, but Tom still had to do something about the intruder so he called the cops. The cops took him to get psychologically analyzed, but Tom didn't know this because he only cared that his daughter Susie was safe and he also doesn't have access to the testing facility's records. Tom is an only father.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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