Why won't sharks attack lawyers? Humans tend to fight back, and sharks wouldn't usually be so hungry as to endanger their own lives in this way. Besides, most places where humans swim have shark barriers.

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I was having sex with my girlfriend the other night and she called me a pedofile. i told her that was a pretty big word for a 9 year old.

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Why couldn't dracula's wife get to sleep? She had insomnia.

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Why did Suzy drop her ice cream? Because she got hit by a bus. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Suzy!

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what's magenta and has 7 legs? nothing.

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There was a priest, a rabbi, and a shaman. All three of three of them walked into a bar. They began a heated debate over the benefits of their healthcare plan, payed the tab on their drink, then proceeded to drive home in their Toyota Prius.

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There once was a man from Nantucket, but he's dead.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Well, seven has a huge drinking problem. He killed a man in a bar fight once. He is also very intense about his boxing career. He works out so hard that he is huge. He has enormous anger problems as well. Seven isn't the only one with problem though. Six is a Vietnam veteran and has been easily scared ever since he came home. The psychiatrist says he has a bad case of paranoia. Just something about seven reminds six of the soldiers that killed his friends. Also seven ate nine, and cannibals are SCARY!

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You can throw a horse a Frisbee but you can't make him catch it

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Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock Who's there? Not Sarah.

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What do you call a person falling off a cliff Dead

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Want to know who gets head a lot? Balloons

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youre gay

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I can't see my forehead

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Why did the Polar Bear fall through the ice? The ice was unable to support his mass

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Why did Hitler go to the hospital? Because he shot and poisoned himself.

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what is the square root of pi? crust^2 + Cool Whip

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A black man killed someone

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What do you call Morgan Freeman on a bad day? Samuel L. Jackson.

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Ben is gay

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What did the blind, deaf and mute girl get for christmas? Cancer.

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Yo Momma's sooo fat that the speed of light at her surface exceeds 3*10^8 m/s.

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So a seal walks into a club...

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Yo mamma is so hairy that she had to shave

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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