Roses are red, violets are blue. Except, technically, violets are violet.

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A dad is very proud of his son for just having graduated preschool. he tells him son, ill get you anything you want. he says i want a pink pingpong ball. the dad is confused but he does it anyway. the next year, he graduates kindergarten. the dad asks the same question. the son this time says i want 10 pink pingpong balls. so the dad, very confused, does it. 5 years later, he graduates elementary school. this time he says 100 pink pingpong balls. high school the dad says cmon your going to college ANYTHING! A CAR? A HOUSE? no i want 1,000 pink pingpong balls. the kid then goes to college and 4 years later and majors in african relief. the dad is very proud but he says. lemme guess? 10,000 pink ping pong balls? YEP. the kid goes to africa to help out because he's a good person. he then meets his wife helping out there also. they get married and the dad flies out to africa to see the wedding. he then knows that he needs 100,000 pink pingpong balls shipped in. the dad goes back to the US and 9 months later finds out that he is a grandfather. he ships 1,000,000 pink ping pong balls into africa. a few years later he finds out that his son contracted a rare african disease and is going to die very soon. now the father is deeply in debt from all the ping pong balls, so his community helps him raise money to go to africa. he meets his son on his death bed. and they talk for a long time. the dad finally says. yknow son i really need to ask you, why did you ask for all those ping pong balls? the son says: "Well dad, I--" and then he dies

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Have you seen Stevie wonder's new mansion? No..... Either has he

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Why did the Polar Bear fall through the ice? The ice was unable to support his mass

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Why did the woman die? She was hit by a bus.

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Haikus are easy They are simpler than you think Just don't run out of...

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Why couldn't Jimmy ride a bike Jimmy is a goldfish

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Wana hear something dirty? Mud

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Knock knock! Who's there? Wrong house. I apologize.

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shoe and shoelace. one is meaningless without the other

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What do you call a black man flying a plane? Answer: A Pilot

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What happened when a gay man asked a straight man what time it was? He told him the correct time, they parted ways and went about with their lives.

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I rolled and evaded the bomb, I still was injured.

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A tourist is hungry, so he asks a stranger to point him to the nearest McDonald's. The stranger points to the McDonald's across the street. As the tourist crosses the street, he gets hit by a car AND DIES. McDonald's kills.

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BIG PENIS

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Dont drink and drive. You might spill some.

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What did the man with paranoid schizophrenia say? I suffer from paranoid schizophrenia.

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Two corpses weigh in the wind. One is called Jones.

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Zach Murfitt has a small Willy!

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What do you call a dog with no arms or legs? It doesn't matter. You can call him anything you like, but he won't come running to you.

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what's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm ? finding a half worm.

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Asians...

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A straight-A star quarterback was about to throw the game-winning pass during the final game of his school's season. If he got this pass their undefeated record would have been completed for the last 50 years. Before he threw the pass, he was sacked by a defender. He fell incorrectly and broke both of his legs, rendering all of his scholarships invalid. He hasn't walked since.

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Why do black people ride Septa? Because septa is an affordable and convenient means of transportation.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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