what did the girl say when she got a ring? OHHH look i got a ring!

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What was the pirate movie rated? PG-13.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? As much as it is capable of. Personally depends on the weight of the wood.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

You have three biscuits. Your friend eats two. How many biscuits do you have? A: 3 Your friend is bulemic so he throws them both up, so you still have them.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why did Superman not stop the planes on 9/11? He was quadroplegic.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

How do you stop an assassin? Kill their target

thumb_up thumb_down -8

hi bye

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A Catholic Priest, an Anglican Priest, and a Rabbi were in a train carriage together because they got a package deal to go to a conference on religious tolerance. Good for them.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

How you make a duck cry? Raping it. How you make it shut up? Killing it. Why did no one helped the duck? Because the duck has no friends.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

A man walked into a bar and was then taken away in an ambulance dude to a severe concussion.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Knock, Knock. Who's There? To get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

A man walked into a bar, he spilled his drink.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What did the thin Italian say to the fat Italian? I don't know, I can't speak Italian.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Do you want to hear a joke about dogs? A joke about dogs.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was tied to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

All work and no play makes Johnny successful in his field of interest.

thumb_up thumb_down -90

One day there was a guy who went on a date with a girl. They went to the movies and ate popcorn. After the movie ended they had a candlelit dinner at a restaurant nearby. The guy ordered a fried chicken and the girl ordered a watermelon salad. They went home after a great dinner. I'm not sure how the story ends but I remember the story was racist.

thumb_up thumb_down -96

A dyslexic man sells his soul to Santa.

thumb_up thumb_down -122

What can't think, see, hear, taste, or smell? A Headless Cat

thumb_up thumb_down +127

Roses are red, violets are blue Vodka is cheaper that dinner for two.

thumb_up thumb_down +99

Why did the chicken cross the road? There was food there.

thumb_up thumb_down +79

Roses are red, violets are blue. Except, technically, violets are violet.

thumb_up thumb_down +77

A white police officer pulled over a black guy on the highway. The cop asked him for license and registration. The black guy had a tail light out, and was very polite and cooperative. The two became close friends, but then one night, the black guy went to the house of the white cop. The black guy brought his wife and daughter over for a dinner party, eating grilled turkey sandwiches with mayonnaise. When the cop's attractive wife asked the black guy if he would like some fresh watermelon from the patch in their back yard, he respectfully declined, for he needed to return to his own home to patiently wait for a business call from one of his employees, who was also a very intelligent and hard working African male. Once home, the black guy turned on his stereo, to listen to some calming country music at an appropriately low level of volume, as his daughter and wife had gone to sleep, for the wife also had work in the morning, at her law firm, and her daughter had a job interview after her day of classes at Dartmouth were out for the day... then Martin Luther King Jr. woke up from his dream, and was soon thereafter assassinated.

thumb_up thumb_down +57

what do you call a black guy on steroids? a black guy on steroids

thumb_up thumb_down +51

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops