What did Shakespeare say to the software designer? Nothing.

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What do you call a man that was decapitated by a stray saw blade? An ambulance until when you have a reality check and realize that in the mass hysteria of witnessing such a horrific event that this man is already dead. You then callan undertaker, his family and his friends to attend his funeral in a week or so. You then walk over to him and cry.

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whats blue and doesnt like cheese? the sky, i was only messing about the cheese

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Hitler walks into a bar and is shot on sight

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How do you wake up Lady GaGa? You poke-poke-poker face

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how do you make a plumber cry? you hit him in the face

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Knock Knock! we have a door bell ...ding dong. its broken.

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Why did the deer hunter shoot a deer? He told his wife he bought a new TV.

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99% of guys are hot. The other 1% go to my school.

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Rick Perry.

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-Whats worse than a joke with no punch line? -What?...

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What do you call a mummy that falls into the Nile? Wet

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What did the pauper want for Christmas? Money

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Look at your hand. Made you look!

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How do you make a bird drop a worm? Wring it's neck. P.S: If that anti-joke didn't persuade you to vote thumbs up for this post, then perhaps these delightful lyrics will convince you otherwise. I see them staring back at me They know my name The faces in the sky are looking for something more My friends have paper smiles and laugh at me in all my trials Their eyes are everywhere and see everything what do They need me And I need them See me And I see them Within The lines they've been burned in my mind It all ends so violently I know My sweet pareidolia It all ends so painfully and slow My pareidolia My friends have hollow eyes They're made of shapes and curvy lines Their eyes are everywhere and see everything what do They need me And I need them See me And I see them Within The lines they've been burned in my mind It all ends so violently I know My sweet pareidolia It all ends so painfully and slow [. From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/e/elena-siegman-lyrics/pareidolia-lyrics.html .] My pareidolia The loneliness is only missed when I am alone O yeah I might try to find my light tonight Hide my sight from eyes I try to fight My nine eyes of light die by the blight Ride white knight unite my plight tonight They're inside me They're inside me I'm inside out I'm inside out They're all around Within without Within without They're inside I'm outisde They're all around They're all around They're inside me I'm inside out They're all around Within without It all ends so violently I know My sweet pareidolia It all ends so painfully and slow My pareidolia la lalala lalala lalala lala

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What do you call your mother? Mom.

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In the future... "Hey Apple! Hey, hey Apple!" "What the heck, Orange! You've been doing this for the last 10 billion years!"

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Whats the difference between a Jew and a pizza? the pizza wont scream when you put it in the oven.....

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Last Christmas, I gave you my heart but your body rejected the transplant and you died.

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apple pie.

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What did mike Tyson say to the midget? ''Hello'' He's actually a relatively nice man.

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Female Athletics

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To girl in a bar: Grab your coat love... It's cold in my basement.

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Roses are red Violets are blue

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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