what's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm ? finding a half worm.

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What's black and white and red all over? A bleeding penguin.

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How do you tie your shoes underwater? In a submarine

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How do you make someone to go away from you? You rap3 them How do you get santa to not give you presents anymore? You rap3 him How do you get the easter bunny to stop coming to your house? Friend: you rap3 him? No, you ask him politly to leave.

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ceiling mounted bonerss CC

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-Whats worse than a joke with no punch line? -What?...

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Knock knock... Whos there? The IRS, we are taking your house.

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What did the policeman say to the man accused of murder? Eiiiiijajajaajaja EIIIIJAAAA

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Two corpses weigh in the wind. One is called Jones.

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A guy who's father of eight children, married to a wonderful woman for fifty years, he likes pizza and spaghetti, he smokes cigars occasionally, he also exercises : He runs around the block every other day. He's the manager of a pizza shop and he's living in a two-floor house he calls his home... Nothing really funny happens to this guy, but that's got to be the most detailed character background in a joke ever.

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Why did Tyrone try to sell Timmy some blow? Due to his poor educational background, lack of recommendations, and a terrible job market, Tyrone wasn't able to get a real job and had to resort to selling illegal narcotics. This wasn't something Tyrone wanted to do, because he promised himself he would never end up like his father, but this was the only way he could support his family.

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How did the man rob the bank? With a gun

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A man walks into a bar. The bar tender asks him "why the long face?" He replies "Because I'm a horse, you jackass".

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Q: What do you get when you cross and owl with a bungie cord? A: My ass

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Why was the man angry? Because I slept with his wife.

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What's better than having a baby in your fridge? Almost anything.

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Are you a homophobe? No I'm straight. ,.

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Oceanic flight 815 crashes on an island and the survivors are stranded. They all die of starvation and dehydration within a week.

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Like Harry Potter? Like anti-jokes? Check these out: http://anti-joke.com/anti-joke/recent/38139-why-did-dumbledore-fall-off-the-astronomy-tower-because-snape-killed-him http://anti-joke.com/anti-joke/recent/38140-knock-knock-who-s-there-you-know-you-know-who-call-him-voldemort-fear-of-a-name-increases-fear-of-the http://anti-joke.com/anti-joke/recent/38141-a-black-kid-an-asian-kid-and-a-jewish-kid-walk-into-a-barrier-they-are-students-at-hogwarts-school

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noodles

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how do you get mhairi mcdonald to shut up? rip out her throat.

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Why are there so many jokes about people walking into bars? Bars are known as a place most people go to for a social occasion, making them a place that most people can relate with.

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? He wanted to catch the frisbee that was thrown to him.

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What did the egg say to the cup? I love your hairdo! Girl, who is your stylist?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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