- Anti Joke

My nipple is bleeding

what's worse than a worm in your apple? The Haulocaust. Whats worse than the Haulocaust? Two worms in your apple.

Amedeo Clemente Modigliani was an Italian artist who worked mainly in France. Primarily a figurative artist, he became known for paintings and sculptures in a modern style characterized by mask-like faces and elongation of form. He died in Paris of tubercular meningitis, exacerbated by poverty, overwork, and addiction to alcohol and narcotics.

Whats the difference between a Jew and a pizza? the pizza wont scream when you put it in the oven.....

why do black people were white shirts?..they feel like it

What did batman say to robin before they got in the car? Robin, get in the car.

What did mike Tyson say to the midget? ''Hello'' He's actually a relatively nice man.

did the dog explode? because it didn't have a bum hole

I am the sun. You are the moon.

Q.Who do you call a lesbian. A.Shhaammmmm

Chuck Norris and 2 other cowboys were out in the old west. After a long day of travel in the desert, the three of them set up camp for the night. Having sat around their fire silently for some time, the first of the cowboys decided to speak up. "You know," he said, "I believe I am the manliest man here! Why, this one time I was riding all alone through the desert on my manly horse when I stumbled upon a town that had no name. Upon entering the town, I realized that the townspeople were in a panic. Everyone was fleeing for their lives and screaming. So I grabbed the nearest woman to me around the neck and demanded of her, 'What the hell is going on around here?!!!' The woman, terrified, only managed to stammer and point. Low and behold, there was a wild bull skewering people through the heart. So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and grabbed the bull by the horns and looked him straight in the eyes, broke his neck, crushed his testicles, rammed my fist into his chest, pulled out his heart and ate it! That is how much of a man I am!" There was silence quite for a while. Soon the other cowboy cleared his voice and said: "You, know, that's pretty good, but I am more of a man than that! Why, this one time, me and a few of my manly buddies were off on a horse trip. I was bringing up the rear of the line when all of a sudden I heard a commotion at the front of the line. Kicking my fine horse with my spurs, I raced ahead to see what was the matter. Low and behold, there was a twenty-foot rattler that had consumed my friend whole! So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and ran over to the snake, grabbed him around the neck, crushed his testicles, bit off his head, sucked the venom from its cold, lifeless body and then spit it upon the dry ground like acid! That is how much of a man I am!" After this, there was another silence. The two cowboys looked one another over, each recognizing the other to be a fine specimen of what it is to be a man. They then both patiently waited to hear Chuck Norris' response. But there was only silence. Off in the distance an owl hooted. A coyote howled. Still, silence. Chuck Norris didn't say a word; he merely continued to sit calmly and stir the coals of the fire with his penis.

What did the baby get for his 1st birthday? Nothing, he was a Harlequin baby, therefore dying during the last stages of pregnancy.

Why didn't Hellen Keller just wear glasses? Oh wait

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a snake in your liver. Because that could be hazardous to your health.

this going to be my new text thingy! i dont have a phone! WATS UP!

Q. What did the man with no heart say? A. Nothing. No living creature can live without a heart.

Why won't sharks attack lawyers? Humans tend to fight back, and sharks wouldn't usually be so hungry as to endanger their own lives in this way. Besides, most places where humans swim have shark barriers.

How do you lock out a Chinese Person? Lock the door

This is a joke for Homeless people:

What did the Hindenburg say? -nothing it just blew up

Knock, Knock Open the fucking Door

Lacrosse is the best sport in the world

What can't think, see, hear, taste, or smell? A Headless Cat

17 people are eating doritos in a cafeteria. Then, one gets up and throws their bag away. Then the joke ended. Haha it actually didn't.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops