A duck walks into a bar and says he needs to buy a hammer. The bartender tells him that he's probably looking for the hardware store across the street. The duck realizes that he's disoriented again and should listen to his wife's many pleadings to get back on his medication.

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What is the secret to losing weight? Limb Amputation.

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A black man walks into a bar. He orders a drink and chats with his work friends. Then he goes home to his loving family.

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What do you get when you mix life and cyanide? Death.

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Whats skinny, round, tall, smells like a dead baby, hard, small, and fat? nothing

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Q1:Why was the homeless man homeless? A1:He suffered from a series of mentally disabilitating diseases. From a young age these disabilities went unnoticed and untreated. They evolved to a level in which he believes he is god, therefore he throws fescues at passing automobiles. Q2:Why does the homeless man throw poo at cars? A2:See answer 1

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So I showed my friend my blind dog. He said, "Wow I've never seen a blind dog before!" I said, "they havnt seen you either."

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, my chickens aren't allowed in rural areas...

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Fred awoke and looked outside. The sun was rising over the fog in the valley below. Birds were singing, and the air smelled of freshly cut grass. THIS was the day, Fred thought, that I'm going to kill my wife and kids.

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Q: Jeff has 10 cookies, He eats 9. Now what does he have? A: Diabetes, Jeff has diabetes.

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Whats massive, long, hard, cold, and is blue? A penis in an ice cube.

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are driving in a car. They're on their way to the mall, or something.

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What do you call a fish with no eye? A fsh

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Knock Knock Who's There? Nobody, you have no friends.

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Why DIDN'T the skeleton cross the road? ..He didn't have any private parts

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Why the Long face" The horse then storms out of the bar, wondering why every bartender must ask him that.

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I used to work at a lightbulb factory... I made the filaments

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Roses are red Violets are red I stabbed the gardener.

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Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken

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Why do priest touch children? They are sexually deprived and frustrated because their religion forbids them from having a normal sexual relationship with the opposite sex.

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Hey, look over there! It's ur mom!

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Amedeo Clemente Modigliani was an Italian artist who worked mainly in France. Primarily a figurative artist, he became known for paintings and sculptures in a modern style characterized by mask-like faces and elongation of form. He died in Paris of tubercular meningitis, exacerbated by poverty, overwork, and addiction to alcohol and narcotics.

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Where do you find a dog with no legs? Where you last put it.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Orange. Weird, orange is my favorite color.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops