Q: How many cows does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Infinite, cows do not have thumbs, in fact, they have hooves. This disables them from holding any large objects without the use of their mouthes.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have multiple personality disorder, NO YOU DON'T!

thumb_up thumb_down -10

So a baby seal walks into a club.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

A woman is about to buy a house and is faced with a difficult decision. She must choose which house she'll buy the next day. During the night she thinks about it and the next morning she has made a rational decision. What house did she choose ? TRICK QUESTION - Women can't make rational decisions.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Your momma so fat she can eat 10 of your 300lb friends.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

why did the chicken cross the road? why should a chickens motives be questioned

thumb_up thumb_down -68

Why was the boy confused? Because somebody had been running around in circles around him and throwing plastic cups at his face.

thumb_up thumb_down -100

what did the boy with no arms and legs get for chrismas? cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +115

What do you call a Muslim driving a plane? You don't drive a plane.

thumb_up thumb_down +107

Hey hey what did the bald man say to brian moccia? lOL!

thumb_up thumb_down +105

A chicken and a triceratops walk into a bar. They both immediately recognize each other and start trading anti-jokes, of which no one else in the bar understood, for they are animals, and animals cannot speak. Which brings up the question of how the triceratops and the chicken would communicate in any way that was conversely accurate to how humans would make jokes. Also adding in the fact that they are both from different eras of time, and the people wonder why a triceratops is walking around when they are in fact extinct. Turns out, the triceratops was an animatronic that gained sentience and ran off the set of Jurassic Park IV, a movie production that was not yet announced, as Steven Spielberg was still working on other movies that were more important at the time. The chicken flew in here because he heard the bar was close-by to where he worked, so he decided to drop by after a long Friday. The bartender finally walks up and asks the triceratops, "What would you like?" The triceratops then went on a rampage and killed everyone inside because he was an alcoholic and lost his family because of it, since his ex-wife would be worked to the bone trying to raise his 2 children and adopted platypus son David. He lost everything in the divorce. Why was he in a bar then? I don't know, I can't talk to dinosaurs. The chicken then befriended the triceratops, as the chicken was a secret anarchist who sought to bring down all the stores on the street, as his mother was killed there while trying to cross the street. She fell into a manhole. The chicken and the triceratops then traded usernames on League of Legends then played out that Friday teaming up and taking down Evil. How do they play League if they're animals? Because this whole story is made up and you wasted a good 2-3 minutes trying to read this.

thumb_up thumb_down +87

A man was chopping wood, he then brought the wood to his house and lit a fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +71

Why do black people eat fried chicken? Because they're humans and many humans enjoy the savory taste of fried chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Three men of varying ethnic backgrounds jump off a building and yell different things as they fall to their death. They were all very good friends and neglected to have had a trip sitter watch them take hallucinogenics. The group of school children below the building are traumatized for a good portion of their lives.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

minorities

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Why do we have a black president? Because the populace voted and thought him to be an overall better candidate than John McCain.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

how do you make a janeter cry, you shit on the floor

thumb_up thumb_down +35

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says "I'm worried about your book choice, maybe you should consult a theropast".

thumb_up thumb_down +29

why does the octopus have no friends? because they're anti social by nature

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Two men walk into a bar, the third man ducks.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

How do you kill a black guy? Shoot him in the temple

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What do you call a black guy with a shotgun? A fine American citizen exercising his 2nd Amendment right.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Lets see how many dislikes this can get.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Diana and victoria

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops