how much does a pirate pay for an earing? $2.50

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What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? An Irish wedding is the celabration of two people joining in matrimony, and an Irish funeral is a somber rememberence of a deceased person.

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What did the homeless guy do when he found a quarter? He picked it up

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What did the blind man say to the deaf man? It doesn't matter because the deaf man couldn't hear him.

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Past, Present and Future walk into a bar. It was tense...

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3 aliens landed on earth. They all wanted to learn english. The first alien went to an opera class and learned "mi mi mi mi mi." The second alien went to a military camp and learned "guns and bazookas, guns and bazookas!" The third alien went to a candy shop and learned "he stole my lollipop!" After all of that, they went to their spaceship and saw a dead man and a cop that said, "which one of you three killed this man?" The first alien said "mi mi mi mi mi." The cop said "what did you kill him with?" The second alien said "guns and bazookas, guns and bazookas!" The cop then said "why did you kill him?" The third alien said "he stole my lollipop!"

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? She's a women.

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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? Because she was blind and deaf. That would be irresponsible/

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Why was the gay kid made fun of........... because he was homosexual who was struggling in life

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A duck walks up to the lemonade stand. The man running the stand then smiles with a tear in his eye as he is reminded of when he and his now dead parents used to feed the ducks at a nearby lake every Sunday afternoon.

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Why did the woman leave the kitchen? To have a shit.

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A mogwai walks into a bar. The bartender says "Sorry, we don't feed mogwais after midnight."

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Whats round, hard, and full of seaman? Well in the context I'm using it in, a submarine, but too the inappropriate mind when spoken out loud, could be registered as the homophone of seaman, semen, which would then lead you too think of male genitalia.

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What has five balls and hates Mexicans? The lottery.

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A guy walks into a bar, orders a beer, pays, and leaves.

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Why was the man squinting his face for so long? He was constipated and couldn't give a shit.

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What is the loneliest number to exist? Zero. Except it's not lonely. I'm just saying there are zero lonely numbers. Numbers aren't sentient. They can't feel loneliness.

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Everyday I'm.. Stepping on a beach. A roop a doo! Stepping on a Beach. do do do? do!!

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What is the speed limit in front of Liberace's house? 40mph because that portion of the road is curved.

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Your mommas so poor she can't afford food for her child. Thats you.

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What did the genie say to the frog? Go home.

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Rub-a-dub-dub three men in a tub, and one was Sandusky.

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you know what they say... hydrate or die

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why couldn't hellen keller drive becasue she was a women

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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