What’s brown, sticky and smells like poo? Shit!!

thumb_up thumb_down -57

One day a girl comes home crying to her father. Father, Father! She says, a boy i met touched my shoulder! Like this? Her father says and touches her shoulder. Yes just like that, a bad part was that he kissed me on my lips! Like this? her father says and kisses her on the lips. Yes just like that but the WORST thing was he stuck his you know what into my you know where. Like this? Her father says as he sticks his you know what into her you know where. Yes just like that father but he had AIDS! ......( Awkward silence)..... oh shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +136

Once upon a time there was a very lonely man. He was kind, strong, handsome, smart, and basically everything that was good and that a girl wanted. Well, one day, through all his immense loneliness, he decided that it was time that he got into a relationship. Knowing that he deserved a competent and pure woman, he went to a local church to search for his perfect match. That night, he took home with him the most beautiful and purest of all the women in the church, brought her to his room, and whipped out his junk on her face.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

A hayride would be fun.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Arrow to the Knee

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What's sad about a house on fire?, it was my house.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

You are such a loner nothing even clings to you, not even plastic wrap!!

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Q. Whats the difference between watermelons and people? A. Watermelons don't smoke pot...

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why can't Michael Jackson drive? Because he's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What do you call a black man in a suit? A lawyer.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

what looks like a banana, smells like like a banana, but isn't a banana? a fake banana

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a bagel.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What's yellow and has six legs ? A cat. I may be wrong about the color and the legs, I'm color-blind and I can't count.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Miami Heat.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What has tomato Sauce And came from italy? Pizza

thumb_up thumb_down +10

how do you make a baby float take you foot of its head

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Knock knock whose there? i have a warrant, i excpect you to come out peacefully with you hands behind you back

thumb_up thumb_down +4

You're mama's so fat: she has to wear plus size clothing

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Who's more mean than teacher Hitler

thumb_up thumb_down

what is pink and fluffly? pink fluff

thumb_up thumb_down

It was the eve of December and a man was using a blanket why? because it was cold and he wanted to be able to function properly at work so his boss would not get mad at him because he respected his boss and wanted to make him happy

thumb_up thumb_down

Why was John the octopus depressed? Because his real name was Steve, and he couldn't communicate this to anyone since he lacked the higher brain functions and vocal chords required to do so.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

give my joke a thumbs up Please!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops