What did Helen Keller say to her eye doctor? Nothing, she is incapable of speech.

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What did Jesus get for Christmas? Birthday presents.

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What's green and has wheels? A cucumber with wheels.

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Miami Heat.

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Whats round, hard, and full of seaman? Well in the context I'm using it in, a submarine, but too the inappropriate mind when spoken out loud, could be registered as the homophone of seaman, semen, which would then lead you too think of male genitalia.

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What did charles get his sister for christmas? Nothing, he's dead

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have multiple personality disorder, NO YOU DON'T!

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So a baby seal walks into a club.

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9/11

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Want to hear a joke? Me to...

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Doesn't matter, the lightbulb was never out

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Where did all the time go? In a recent study, 100% of all time, all systems go.

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf."

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what is the difference of a duck..... it neither wears tie.....

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thumbs up!

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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A homeless man is hungry. He then kills a college professor and has a nice dinner

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Q. What's large, solid, and full of veins? A. A man or woman who frequently engages in weightlifting and follows a diet primarily based around high protein and low carbohydrate intake

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What's brown and says "Hey, I'm a dog"? A talking dog, able to grasp the English language.

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What happened to the power lifter that tried to deadlift 920 lbs while wearing nothing but his briefs? he succeeded because he is trained power lifter.

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Gay jokes are a real pain in the butt.

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Christians

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A black kid, an Asian kid, and a Jewish kid walk into a barrier. They are students at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and they walk straight through the barrier onto Platform 9 3/4.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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