a duck walks into a bar, sits down and asks for grapes. the bartender says, "no, we don't serve grapes." so the duck leaves. the next day the duck goes back to the bar, takes a seat. "got any grapes?" the bartender says, "i already told you we don't serve grapes here. if you come in here and ask for grapes one more time, i'm going to staple your beak to the wall!" the duck leaves. the next day, the duck returns, sits at the bar and asks, "got any staples?" the bartender replies, "no, but there's an Office Max next door where you might find some."

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What did the man say to the man? Awkward.

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what looks like a banana, smells like like a banana, but isn't a banana? a fake banana

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Q. What's funnier than an anti-joke? A. Thousands of anti-jokes, compiled on a worldwide network.

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What did the furnace say to the Jew? Nothing, as it is an inanimate object and cannot communicate.

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Two penguins are sitting in a bathtub. One looks at the other and says, "Can you pass the soap?" The other penguin says, "What do i look like, a typewriter?"

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Q: Why'd the chicken cross the road? A: to get to the other side

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Why can't women drive? Actually, they can as long as they legally acquire a driver's license and have no existing restrictions.

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what is pink and fluffly? pink fluff

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What’s green and eats nuts? Syphilis.

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Two guys walk in to a bar the third one ducks.

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What's funnier than 24? 25.

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Women are like puzzles. Because prior to 1920 neither had the right to vote. Puzzles still don't

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A man walks into a bar and says: "ouch!"

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What’s brown, sticky and smells like poo? Shit!!

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What happened to the boy when he did nothing? The game.

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What's the difference between a duck?

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What is bright yellow and tastes like Gatorade? Antifreeze

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Why did the hamster run around the wheel.? Because he lived in a small cage and had nothing better to do.

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If a tree falls on a house and there's no one there to hear it....Why was there no woman in the kitchen?

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A girl walks into a bar. She unfortunately meets a man with a drinking problem. The man takes her home, strips her of her virginity and then beats her with a bat until she can no longer breathe. Her name was Laura Pratz.

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what's harder than dodging bullets? dodging rain

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Q. Whats the difference between watermelons and people? A. Watermelons don't smoke pot...

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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