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3 jews are walking into a bar. the first jew orders a shot of vodka, drinks it and says "long live my family!" the second jew orders a shot of whiskey, drinks it and says "long live my friends" the third jew orders water, because he is the one that is driving tonight.

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What's sad about a house on fire?, it was my house.

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Obama 2012

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have to go to the bathroom...

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Yee

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What did the furnace say to the Jew? Nothing, as it is an inanimate object and cannot communicate.

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What is the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A pizza doesn't make for a very good accountant.

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why was the man itchy? because he had herpies

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So there were two palm trees on an island. The first palm tree says to the second, "Hey! What's up?" The second one replies, "Nothing much, just chilling." Except they were actually ice cubes.

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Who's fat? Holly Davis.

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Why was the boy sad? He had a frog stapled to his face.

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Women deserve equal rights... April fools.

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give my joke a thumbs up Please!!!

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what did jesus say to moses? jesus isn't real

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What happened when the little girl said Bloody Mary 3 times in the dark? - She got her head smashed in the mirror, all of her intestines were neatly ripped out and was stabbed to death with No.2 mechanical pencils. Then her parents came home from dinner to find their daughter brutally killed in her own room. They notified police, opened a case and gave up after 12 years of searching for her killer. Both parents cried for the amount of years their daughter had been gone and they both decided to kill each other. The father raped the mom while slitting the back of her neck that led to her head being detached. Then the father left his pick up truck running and through his head toward the engine, which didn't really work. So he went back inside and watched Three and A Half Men.

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Q: What happened to Michael Jackson yesterday? A: Nothing.

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A man sees a hitchhiker on a road. The man crashes because he was not watching the road.

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Q: why did the boy fall off his bike? A: he wasn't very coordinated

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Why did Aodhan not come into school? He was sick.

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What do birds need when they're sick? Medical attention

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So an asian man gets into a car... and drives home on the highway driving at the approximate speed of the designated speed limit while exhibiting safe driving maneuvers. He arrives home to his wife and kids and sits down for a nice dinner while having a engaging conversation about the political future of the United States and his favorite football team.

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"Ask me if I'm a tree." "Are you a tree?" "No."

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knock knock. I have a doorbell, you don't have to knock.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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