What did one duck say to the other? "Quack!"

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What do birds need when they're sick? Medical attention

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What is black and white and red all over? A zebra that has been shot, because poaching is quite common in many African savannas.

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What did the thief get for Christmas? Nothing. He was sentenced to the death penalty.

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A Squirrel jumps into a bar, lands on one of the empty tables and begins eating the Peanuts out of a bowl. The bartender thinks to himself "I really should close that window to keep the Squirrels out..."

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What do you call a black man in a suit? A lawyer.

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Why did the Chicken cross the road? Actually it couldn't even walk because of all the hormones they injected into it in order to genetically enhance it's size and flavor.

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Did you hear about that show where two crazy guy got on stage and the show had to be canceled. I didnt either.

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Roses are Red Voilets are Red I am Red I am Dead

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What did one platypus say to the other? Whatever noise platypuses make. I'm not sure. I am sure that they lay eggs though.

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Knock-knock. Who's there? Just open the damn door

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Noses are red, pilots are blue I am dyxslexic boo who

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Why did the cockroach cross the road? Why do you ask?

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A nuclear reactor explodes and all the waste are going straight out in the ocean. Look at my new shoes.

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how do you make a baby float take you foot of its head

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How many republicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Typically only one, though more may be required under extreme conditions.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She didn't have any arms.

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why was the man itchy? because he had herpies

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It was the eve of December and a man was using a blanket why? because it was cold and he wanted to be able to function properly at work so his boss would not get mad at him because he respected his boss and wanted to make him happy

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What do you call a fly with no wings? Joseph

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What do you get if you cross a chicken and a potato? Answer- Chicken tasted potato

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whats worse than getting beaten up by a bully? realizing your fly was down the whole time and getting beaten up by a bully

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*Random individual accidentally throws a ball toward another person's head while chilling out with friends* *The ball comes into contact with the victim's cranium- causing him much pain, but not serious detriment.* Q: Are you feeling okay? A: No, I'm dizzy and am currently in very bad shape Response after initial inquiry was articulated: "Uhmmmm...Sorry?" Lesson of significance to be learned from this tragic incident: One's developed, habitual reactions to certain occasions/events of particular interest are virtually always practically impossible to completely override with the means of logic when one is experiencing the relevant occurances him/herself personally. One usually finds it inordanitely difficult to free him/herself from one's regular routines.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. I'm a schizophrenic, And so am I.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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